I’m sure this has happened to many of you. You’re sitting in a large lecture listening to your professor ramble on about a chapter in the book you haven’t even bought yet. Suddenly, you hear a beeping sound coming from the bag of one of the 27 students who still show up for class.

Eventually, this beeping will wake someone up who will reach into his or her bag and take out a cell phone. This person does not shut it off, of course. He or she proceeds to answer the phone and make light-hearted conversation.

“How rude,” you think to yourself. “I’m trying to concentrate on the crossword puzzle.”

This is only one example of a new phenomenon of cell-phone rudeness. There are countless others.

Last year, I lived in the dorms and had the pleasure of relieving my bladder every day into one of Friley’s many fine urinals. But one day while I was heeding nature’s call, another resident walked in, took care of business and walked out. Nothing too unusual, except for the fact that he did all of this while talking to his girlfriend on the cell phone.

I can’t think of a more inappropriate place to talk on a cell phone — especially to your girlfriend. I just hope, for her sake, that they don’t come out with the picture phone anytime soon.

I, like many others, am bothered by these and other rude cell phone behaviors. Yet, while I don’t approve of them, I do understand why they happen.

Human beings are rude by nature. It’s a part of who we are, and we have been applying this rudeness to every technological advance we’ve ever had. Even back in the Stone Age, we were chewing with or mouths open and breaking wind at the dinner table, so why would we stop inventing new rude behaviors now?

The thing I really don’t understand is why so many college students have cell phones in the first place. I know that millions of people own them and thousands more are buying them every day. At the rate things are going, I may be the only one here at ISU who doesn’t own one. Even if that’s true, I still don’t think college students need to own cell phones.

Don’t get me wrong; for some people, cell phones are very important. Businessmen need them to keep track of their investments. Doctors need them to make tee times, and high school students need them in case gunfire breaks out.

But we are college students. Most of us are still essentially worthless people. We don’t hold meaningful jobs or have any large investments. In fact, most of us have racked up some very impressive debts and owe lots of people lots of money. Therefore, it would be in our best interests to not be easily accessible. For some of us, fleeing the country may soon be our only option.

Despite this, hundreds of ISU students are carrying cell phones right now. Many of these people are even carrying them in little holsters right on their hips. And they aren’t exactly subtle about it, either. A lot of these phones come in vibrant colors that can be seen for miles.

It’s good that they do this, however, because it helps let us know that these people are very important people who should be respected. In fact, these people are so important that when they get a phone call (possibly from a CEO or a world political leader), they can’t even wait the two extra seconds it would take to get their phone out of their backpack or purse. That’s how important these people are.

Some cell phone owners may say that they own phones simply for the convenience. I guess I can see how a cell phone might come in handy if you are watching TV late at night and really want to order the Ronco pasta maker with the free sausage stuffer and 100 feet of edible sausage casing, but you just don’t want to get off the couch to make the call.

But for the most part, cell phones are a big hassle. If I had a cell phone, the only calls I would ever get would be my girlfriend or one of my roommates asking me to pick them up from class or pick up something at the store for them. This “convenience” is not worth $29.99 per month.

Sure, someday I may get into a situation where a cell phone would be helpful. I might have a medical emergency or maybe my station wagon will just completely fall apart on I-35.

But since everyone else has cell phones, I know someone would come by soon to call for help. I just hope whoever that person is didn’t read my column today.

---

Peter Borchers is a junior in advertising. Don’t worry about what he says. He’s just jealous.