I was a Dot hater. I admit it. Every chance I had, I ripped that poor station, whether it was that Jamie guy’s whiny voice or their so-called “alternative” play list that included such hideous acts as Savage Garden.

Then I returned to central Iowa late summer to find that Dot was gone. I missed Dot.

I missed making fun of it, and I missed having even a slight chance of hearing new music on the radio.

Then a revolution hit. The New Music Revolution to be exact. Channel Q.

It may the dumbest-named radio station since Star, but at least we have a chance to hear new music again.

Channel Q claims it won’t be another Dot. It won’t start slipping in Madonna songs and hosting Run DMC concerts.

In fact, it says it is going to take advantage of being in a college town, whatever that means. We’ll have to wait and see. But I’ve come up with a few show ideas for Channel Q that are sure to make college students feel taken advantage of:

“Extreme Vanilla”

You guessed it. A daily show dedicated to the single living greatest performer of all time — Vanilla Ice.

They could play hits from all four records, sound bites from his movies (“Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: Secret of the Ooze” and “Cool As Ice”) and share little known facts about his life, like that his birthday is on Halloween.

So maybe Vanilla isn’t exactly a New Music Revolution, but he has influenced one. Some call it rapcore or rap-rock. I call it white boys who think they can rap. Limp Bizkit, Eminem, the Offspring guy. They’re all Ice-influenced.

“Q Hour”

Channel Q is a dumb name, but they’re stuck with it, so why not use it to their advantage and have an hour show everyday that features artists whose name begins with Q?

Sure, there aren’t many modern rock Q bands, but they could stretch a bit and play Queen and Queensryche and Queen Latifah. And don’t forget Quiet Riot.

“Total B.S. Live”

This show would be a take off of MTV’s widely successful “TRL,” only instead of Carson Daly, Channel Q could get Chad Calek to host it.

He wouldn’t play ‘N Sync and Backstreet Boys, or course, but he would call them sissies and then play Korn and Orgy.

Just like “TRL,” Channel Q could have fans send in e-mails and stand outside the downtown office, holding signs that say “Korn is Kool” and “Chad Calek is my dream guy.”

“Dry Hour”

In the spirit of Veishea and a university that prides itself on good behavior, this would be an hour show each day where all listeners pledge to not drink any alcohol.

The music would be basic modern rock, but in between songs they would use “Behind The Music” sound bites of musicians saying how much alcohol screwed up their lives.

“Dry Hour” would air at 5 a.m.

“Drunk Hour”

Talk about taking advantage of a college audience. This show would feature disc jockeys encouraging students to binge drink all hour. They could share new drinking games and recipes and even have a Drunk of the Day.

The music would be aggressive rock, with a few odd staples, such as Jimmy Buffett’s “Why Don’t We Get Drunk (And Screw)” and the Bloodhound Gang’s “You’re Pretty When You’re Drunk.”

“Drunk Hour” would air at noon, 3 p.m. and 7 p.m. Except on Sundays. Even college students need a day of rest.

“Ames’ Finest”

I could host this show, which would feature kickin’ local music from veterans like The Nadas and 35″ Mudder and fresh bands like Custom and Mr. Plow.

I could go to shows and hang out backstage with the bands and get free drinks and talk about how Vanilla Ice has influenced them.

Unless, of course, it was “Dry Hour.”

---

Corey Moss is a senior in journalism and mass communication from Urbandale.