Recently, on the front page of the Daily, I saw President Jischke smiling as he accepted a national award for the beautiful landscaping of our campus.

Even more recently, I saw the President of our esteemed institution on the front page of the Daily accepting an 80 million dollar donation.

The smiling face of Our President taunts me as the constant screeching of the dot matrix printers scatter my thoughts while I futilely attempt to use the computer labs that are available for my academic use. The only labs available 24-hours a day are in the dorm labs, all of which have dot matrix printers, as do the labs in the library.

Last Friday, the Daily ran an article; “Iowa State promotes technological theme.” Ironically, a quick Internet search reveals that high speed dot matrix printers debuted in the 1960s (an ’80s innovation placed the hellish devices in a separate room).

I suppose irony is just something English students know a lot about; for example, out of the four computer labs in Ross Hall, it is rare to have one of them actually open at any one time. And if you do find an open lab, chances are that you will have to leave within half an hour to make room for a class.

I suppose it brings the whole “privatization of education” issue home, since the simple remedy for most students is to purchase their own PCs.

But excuse me, President Jischke, I don’t have one, so why not give me a voucher so you can close down these public labs?

A successful CEO manages investments wisely, and the humanities were never very profitable anyway.

We all know that the first priority of the university is to make money and to look pretty, right?

Perhaps a deal could be struck with Better Homes and Gardens to sponsor our campus, and then perhaps there would be enough extra to cover next year’s tuition increase.

I am trying to think of a way the English department could bring in some flow; we could have a bake sale, or perhaps we could come up with a theory on how Shakespeare wouldn’t have worn anything but Nike, or how Tennyson would have preferred his beef enhanced by bovine growth hormone.

On second thought, we’d better stick with those perpetual tuition increases.

OK, it’s past my bedtime.

I’m not only a consumer, I’m also a client.

Ed Snook

Senior

English