Daily Staff Writer

“Wild Wild West”

TWO STARS

Nothing screams “Wild Wild West” like 61 minutes and 41 seconds of rap and hip-hop.

Not since Jon Bon Jovi did “Young Guns II” has a Western soundtrack been filled with as many tunes which failed to conjure up images of the Old West.

But one needn’t be down with the street to give this soundtrack the bum rush. One need only have ears.

This thing doesn’t even have those cute sound bites from the movie that might make it a pleasurable way to relive the movie. What’s up with that? For $17 plus change, people want sound bites — ’nuff said.

If you’ve ever wondered what it felt like to live through the fear and deprivations of life on the frontier, get in your car and start driving through Nebraska with nothing to listen to but this soundtrack, and you might get the idea.

No covered wagon is necessary. You don’t even need to forego the air conditioning; pamper yourself, bring snacks. It still won’t change the fact that this album is a vapid hardship of pop crap.

In the seventies, The Bay City Rollers were created by a record company to fill a niche in the market.

Pundits thought popular music could sink no lower than to be corporate-controlled and soulless, but they were wrong.

They never imagined the hour-long soundtrack from hell which is “Wild Wild West.”

Listeners are treated to yet another Dr. Dre/Eminem masterpiece. This duo makes listeners long for the days when Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney dominated the airwaves with the mild-mannered pop stylings of “The Girl is Mine” and “Say Say Say.”

In fact, one is hard-pressed to think of one good reason to give this CD a try unless one is desperate for a shiny coaster or material for homemade ninja throwing stars.

The good news is that eventually this CD ends, and there are no surprise extra tracks.

-Greg Jerrett

“American Pie”

ONE STAR

The great American sex comedy is back — with the inevitable crappy soundtrack.

This time, soundtrack stench contaminates summertime listening in the form of music from the motion picture “American Pie,” a secondhand humor display of high school sex antics.

The album opens with none-other than the frat boy band themselves, Third Eye Blind, and their song “New Girl,” a childish rant with the crass-yet-honest lyrics of “I want to go to bed with you.”

Following that comes Tonic with “You Wanted More,” one of the few tracks on this CD that won’t induce vomiting. The song details a love gone wrong and the impact the loss has had on the song writer.

There are a few more bands here whose names are familiar, including Blink 182, Sugar Ray and Dishwalla, the band that held radio captive long ago with the song “Counting Blue Cars.”

The album also features a lot of filler bands along the way, but thankfully, the ska-punksters Goldfinger save the day, performing the speed-riffed “Vintage Queen.”

Unfortunately, Bic Runga shows up again near the end of the album to lay it to rest with “Sway,” a song that has done particularly well on supermarket radio. It’s the type of song that tickles the ears as you’re squeezing the kumqwats. While you’re out conspicuously consuming, be sure to pass on this stinker.

-Kevin Hosbond