“International Home & Travel Handbook of Successful Survivor Tactics”

by Jerry Gill

ONE STAR

It’s really hard to know what to make of “Successful Survivor Tactics.” When you see the book you think, “Oh, a book of survival skills for outdoorsmen.”

But when you open it up, you find that it includes suggestions on how to survive everything from asteroids to air pollution to terrorist attacks.

Each chapter begins with a description of the particular disaster at hand, usually embellished to make it sound extra scary.

The book then outlines steps that should be taken in order to survive the disaster. These steps go beyond comprehensive to ludicrous.

On top of that, the reader often wonders if the information is based on any kind of statistics or research at all.

In the section titled “Terrorism & Personal Assault Survival,” the author states, “Every year many people are kidnapped using their own car … The best way to escape from the trunk of your car is to plan ahead.”

Gill suggests keeping a crowbar in your trunk so you can get yourself out from the inside. He then goes on to say, “A small flashlight and running shoes also hidden in the trunk would be invaluable.”

Now maybe it’s just me, but if I knew a guy who stowed running shoes in the trunk of his car in case he was kidnapped, I wouldn’t let him baby-sit my kids.

I’m skeptical that enough people are kidnapped in the trunk of their cars to make any of this practical. I think it’s more likely that when the author was in high school a couple of bullies locked him in his own trunk, and this was all stuff he wished he had while they were taking him to be thrown in the river.

Another chapter on how to help your children survive includes the following recommendation in case of a plane crash.

“Carry a strap when you travel that can be used to attach your child to you. It will help you avoid being separated in an emergency.”

Be that as it may, it will also probably get you arrested in most states.

“Survivor Tactics” also contains warnings about things that are just plain common knowledge. Did you know that you shouldn’t pick up wild animals? Of course you did! Trying to save people that don’t know some of these things goes directly against the entire concept of Darwinism.

The motto of the Boy Scouts is “Be Prepared,” and this book takes that idea to a bizarre extreme. If you were to follow every survival guideline outlined in this book, you would never go anywhere without a thirty-pound backpack of supplies and a personal floatation device. Actually, that’s not true, because you would never go anywhere in the first place except your underground shelter.

So if you are completely incompetent, and want to know how to survive every ridiculous possible disaster, this is probably the book for you. Otherwise I’d leave it on the shelves, unless you’re looking for a good laugh.