Now, as an opinion columnist and editor of the opinion pages here at the Daily, I often run into people who like to give me their opinions. That’s pretty cool in theory. But sometimes it can lead to interesting … debates, I guess.

I love my home state of Iowa. I want to say that up front. I love the people and the land and the way of life.

I am, however, very critical of certain kinds of behavior that are common here that seem only to serve the Lords of Chaos and drive people like me to drink like Christian Slater with cotton mouth.

These things are usually the product of good intentions, and so bear that in mind while I rant caustically.

I don’t know where people come up with this pabulum. I’m having breakfast one Sunday morning a couple of weeks ago and I get into one of these psuedo-philosophical discussions that occur every once in a while.

You know, the one where some doofus from the sticks thinks that just because he’s the smartest mutant in his family, he can run with the big dogs. Okay, usually that poor, deluded bastard is me, of course, but the guy I was talking to makes me look like Bertrand Russell on gingko and crank.

I’m sitting there swilling pigs in a blanket, talking about some non-issue. Meanwhile, Cornfed Billy Bob Mudkicker decides to take one side because I’m on the other.

I don’t think it matters what the subject is; people are contradictory mugwumps by nature. Which makes what happened next so damn stupid.

Tubesteak and I hold opposing opinions about a guy we used to work with who has a personality like a porcupine in heat. Let’s call him Ivan.

I think Ivan is a first-class prick because he tried to get me fired by portraying me as an insatiable porn freak.

Small Town thinks that Ivan is a good friend because Ivan threatened him with a tire iron but didn’t ACTUALLY hit him. Then he reduces everything to a simple difference of opinion. Like we are BOTH right.

I respond that not all opinions are equally valid. To which he says in his thickly accented Reject, “I would have to disagree with that. I think all opinions are equally valid.”

I mean, why the hell would anyone bother to actually think about anything before they say it?

It is so damned inconvenient — all that rational thought before noon — just to not look like a freak.

It has such a nice patriotic feel to it, doesn’t it? “All opinions are equal.” What a load of totty!

This is the lowest form of nonsensical claptrap ever invented. I find it offensive that anyone would EVER espouse such a ridiculous sentiment even when considering that it does sound rather nice on the face of it.

America was founded to allow everyone the right to live their lives as they see fit, freedom for all, down with tyranny, all that good stuff.

But nowhere does it state that all opinions are equally valid. This is just something dumb people like to say to take the sting out of stupidity

While it may be a sacred tenet of American mythology that everyone has a RIGHT to his own opinion, that in no way makes all opinions equally VALID. What planet do these loads come from?

Don’t get me wrong. I have to say “don’t get me wrong” because someone WILL get me wrong, I just know it.

I absolutely and whole-heartedly support the rights of all men, women and children to have their own opinions.

That is just basic to human freedom.

But I do not under any circumstances think that all opinions are equal. They cannot be.

Logic determines that if you and I hold opposing viewpoints about a matter which can be factually determined one way or the other, then all opinions are NOT equally valid.

I think the origin for this kind of weak-minded crap was in grade school, when all of the teachers encouraged us to speak our minds so they could tell who the really stupid kids were.

I can just hear my old philosophy professor E.D. Klemke explain this one. If you’ve never taken a class from him, I highly recommend it. I used to love watching him make people cry.

He was the nicest guy in the world and never spoke harshly to anyone, no matter how much they deserved it.

Some people just can’t handle hearing anyone say they really, honestly don’t think there is a rational reason to believe in God.

I guess if you REALLY mean it, it is worse than if you are just drunk and lying about it at a party to meet chicks.

Anyway, Doc Klemke would tell us the easiest way around this one was if I think you’re a jerk and you don’t think you’re a jerk, we can’t both be right.

Luckily for all of us, I also think I’m a jerk, so we don’t have to argue about that one.

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Greg Jerrett is a graduate student in English from Council Bluffs. He is opinion editor of the Daily. He’d like to give a shout out to Mr. Four-Inch Log.