Daily Staff Writer

“Dark Side of the Spoon”

Ministry

ONE STAR

Ministry is turning into The Monkees.

Oh, where to begin? How about the title? It’s perfect for this collection of songs. Why? Because it is derivative, uninspired and completely lacking imagination, while pretending to be clever.

Remember sticking “Psalm 69” in the boom box and completely losing control of the senses while “Just One Fix” buzzed, popped and exploded in your ears and your mind’s eye? Well, don’t expect that this time around.

“Dark Side of the Spoon” doesn’t come close to the past glories of this band. Half of the tracks sound like composites of old tracks.

Track five, “Step,” does its best to be freaky, but the vocalist just sounds like he is doing a really bad Adam Sandler imitation. They can’t be blamed for trying.

The whole thing comes off like they want to be as cool as they used to be, but can’t quite make it. It just ends up being one huge sonic abortion.

This album can make you turn pro-life listening to the buzzsaw guitar work and jackhammer drums.

There hasn’t been this much untalented noise in one place since the last Miss America Pageant.

Perhaps the only thing more grotesque than the endless tracks of crap is the album cover, which features a naked fat woman with a dunce cap writing “I will be good” on a chalk board over and over again. Her puckered and dimpled ass fills the back of the CD. This just adds to the overall sense of bitter, desperate failure which reeks from every pore of this worthless album.

On a positive note, a few of the tracks, like “Vex and Siolence” incorporate horns which give the album a whisper of freestyle jazz attitude.

Another good part is that tracks 10 through 68 are complete silence. Nothing says “cheese” like this hackneyed old CD special bonus, hidden track, “hey aren’t CDs a fun medium” happiness.

Give it up, Ministry.

-Greg Jerrett

“Terror Twilight”

Pavement

THREE STARS

For years Pavement has seemed like a band that probably has a great album in them, but just haven’t made it yet. Every album has a handful of great songs surrounded by what can at best be considered filler. “Terror Twilight” is no different.

The album begins with the gentle “Spit on a Stranger,” similar to the way “We Dance” opened 1993’s “Wowee Zowee.” Unlike “Wowee Zowee” however, “Terror Twilight” never builds to a rocking climax.

Contrary to the full force rock of their earlier efforts, recent Pavement albums have been highlighted by their softer cuts. On 1997’s “Brighten the Corners” it was “Shady Lane,” and on “Terror Twilight” it’s “You are a Light,” and “Major Leagues.”

Both songs showcase Malkmus’ ability to write interesting lyrics, both intellectually and sonically. “Major Leagues” sounds almost poignant at times, a pleasant new twist from the masters of Lo-Fi.

On the subject of Lo-Fi, Pavement have made a departure from their defiant garage sound. “Terror Twilight” was produced by Nigel Goodrich, who has gained acclaim for his production of Radiohead’s “OK Computer,” and Beck’s “Mutations.”

The result is a nice change of pace for the band in terms of production. Unfortunately, in terms of songwriting it’s business as usual for Pavement.

The boys have always written songs at awkward tempos with slightly atonal melodies. Unfortunately, on some tracks it just sounds like everyone in the band is playing a different song.

Case in point: “Platform Blues” changes so many times it sounds like six bad songs instead of just one.

In the end, “Terror Twilight” is exactly what you would expect from Pavement. Depending on how you take that, it is either a compliment or a criticism.

-Ben Godar

“Throttle Junkies”

Soil

FIVE STARS

Soil, indeed, is one of the last great bands to come about in this decade. With the debut of the band’s first full-length album, “Throttle Junkies,” comes a ravishing nod at the sound that developed in American rock music of the ’90s.

Tapping into anything and everything from early ’90s grunge and alternative to the latest onslaught of heavy metal acoustic rock, Soil unleash a gut-wrenching array of hellish hard rock.

Recorded and mixed by production guru Steve Albini (Page-Plant, Nirvana, Bush), “Throttle Junkies” encompasses the love of loud guitars and hefty vocals.

The driving crunch of guitars of the first song, “Everything,” sets the pace for the rest of the album. “Damning Eden” pulses forth with a mighty fury and catchy hooks. It is surely a defining song for the band, comprised of Ryan McCombs’ vocals, Adam Zadel and Shaun Glass-guitar, Tim King-bass and Tom Schofield-drums.

This band knows how to rock, as seen in songs like “F-Hole,” “Hello Again” and “Crucified,” with the piercing line “Don’t crucify me/I’m not ready to die just yet.”

McCombs’ voice is familiar yet definitely compelling, falling somewhere between Alice In Chain’s Layne Staley and Days of the New’s Travis Meeks.

The dual guitar interplay on this album is also compelling, as witnessed in “Man I Am” which is filled with powerfully eerie interludes of destitute guitars.

The band does quiet things down a notch for the sweetly penned tune “She” and the added bonus acoustic version of “Damning Eden” at the end of the album.

Soil’s “Throttle Junkies” is definitely a must-have album. This quintet is quite the heavy metal machine, and brings with it a powerful and invigorating approach to rock music.

-Kevin Hosbond