Daily Staff Writer

Quick Es to Remember

“I think I learned more about chemistry watching an hour of ‘Macgyver’ than I did all year in lecture.”

Freshman

Zoology

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“Are those snow fences part of the Master Plan?”

Junior

Early childhood education

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“GPA matters not. Judge me by my GPA, do you?”

Senior

Electrical engineering

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“Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffin’ glue.”

Junior

Mechanical engineering

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“Jischke during Veishea: Commander, I want you to tear this campus apart until you find those kegs, and bring me prisoners; I want them alive!”

Senior

Zoology

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“Women at Iowa State are like parking spaces: They are either taken or handicapped.”

Senior

Journalism and mass communication

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“ISU students are like parking spaces; A lot of them think they’re funny, but they’re not.”

Junior

Sociology

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“Who’s the black private dick that’s a sex machine with all the chicks?”

Senior

English

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“Hey God-Socks; grab my daughter, and DPS won’t be called because you’ll be Horizontal-Socks.”

Senior

Construction engineering

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“If I had my choice of how I wanted to be executed, it would definitely have to be getting thrown in the hole in the sand with teeth.”

Freshman

Computer engineering

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“I believe the key to waiting 40+ days in line for a movie would be plenty of root beer!”

Freshman

Computer engineering

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“ISU may not look like much, but she’s got it where it counts, kid.”

Senior

Agricultural business and

agricultural systems technology

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“Confucius says: Sex everyday makes the whole week.”

Junior

Marketing

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“Most people think that the Bubonic Plague was caused by rats, but they’re wrong. It was actually caused by bubons.”

Freshman

Computer science

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“To Jischke: Oh, you’re a feisty one, but you’ll soon learn some respect! I have use for you cleaning the bathrooms at Tazzles!”

Senior

Chemical engineering

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“Did DPS do this? No, but we were meant to think they did. These tracks are side by side, DPS always ride single file to hide their numbers.”

Junior

Sociology

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“Homosexuality is God’s way of insuring that the truly gifted aren’t burdened with children.”

Sophomore

Education

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“Help me Obiwan Kenobi, you’re my only hope … of passing calc!”

Freshman

Pre-engineering

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“And these blast points — too accurate for DPS. Only Ames policemen are so precise.”

Sophomore

Animal science

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“There’s an awful lot of moisture in here.”

Freshman

Aerospace engineering

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“Oota goota Jischke? Jabba wa-neen-chi chko-ka wan-ya rooska. Heh heh.”

Sophomore

Animal science

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“Marijuana: It makes responding to ‘hey stupid’ 10 times funnier.”

Sophomore

Business

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“Marijuana: It makes you respond to ‘Veishea sucked’ 10 seconds faster.”

Freshman

Horticulture

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“Obiwan on Martin Jischke: ‘He’s more machine now than man — twisted and evil.'”

Senior

English education

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“Acid: It makes light sabers 10 times as cool.”

Junior

Aerospace engineering

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“Crank: It makes makes you respond to ‘hey stupid’ 10 seconds before it’s even said.”

Junior

Forestry

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“Jesus was way cool. He could turn water into wine and wheat into marijuana.”

Sophomore

Undeclared

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“Who needs to drink during Veishea when you can smoke some perfectly good marijuana?”

Freshman

Animal science

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“Veishea is dry … so is weed.”

Freshman

Pre-physical therapy

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“Marijuana: What’s for dinner?”

Freshman

Business

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“Did the police or the FBI think about questioning the football or basketball players about the bank robbery?”

Senior

Political science