I have yet another friend with a kid. It is actually pretty amusing to me, the manner in which priorities not only shift but are actually removed from the list of important life issues as a child slowly takes over a household.

Again, do not hate me because I am a childless young man, offering advice based solely on flashback, and perhaps a bit of arrogance. But if you ask most people who know me, they will confirm that I myself am only half an inch off adolescence. And I have the bunkbeds and the Playstation to prove it.

Anyway, my friend is concerned that her child does not fit in at school. Not to make light of tragedy (and I mean that), her entire basis for concern is the recent events in Colorado, Arkansas, and Los Angeles.

Her reasoning sounds something like this: No one likes my kid. My kid has no friends. Eventually, my kid is going to start resenting everyone and end up in a bell tower with a high-powered rifle. (Again, not dismissing the tragic events of the past couple of years. This is, in all honesty, her line of reasoning.)

Without boring you with all the details of our argument, I will assure you that the matter became quite heated.

And eventually the maitre d,’ the waiters, a short, Italian busboy and someone’s really pretty middle-aged wife (who clearly had mastered the advanced Tae Bo workout) had to separate us, as my friend made all too clear that she would stop at nothing to rear a popular, well-adjusted child, who, rather than being made fun of, would obviously lead the making fun.

My pal was obsessed with the idea that her son would not only be the epitome of conformity, he would also take the art of blending in to a new level — something akin to cloning by association.

I myself was proud of the notion that my godson would one day be so entrenched in the inner workings of the populous that he would never have to think for himself again.

I literally gushed with joy when I saw the true benefits of his holding a small cheat sheet for life, tucked away in his Abercrombie and Fitch parka, listing what everyone else would do in any given situation.

As usual, I am overreacting. Or so I was told. The need for a child to fit in is inherently crucial to the developmental process. Seeing oneself as an outsider can be devastating to a child’s psyche.

Stunt their ability to interact with others, etc. All this I would have to say I agree with, to a certain point. Isolation can not be good for a young man or woman. But at the same time, what does following do for the same people?

Discovering one’s own opinions is paramount to all else, in my view. After all, discovering right from wrong takes courage, a courage that is found in convictions that are inside, not a part of some group mentality.

My only other question is, how does one raise their child to fit in? I realize I have been pretty much just babbling for the last couple of columns here.

But would someone e-mail me and tell me how you are taught to fit in? In my experience, children and especially teenagers are thoroughly arbitrary in their patterns of acceptance and rejection.

You ever have a moment when you were six years old and your friends decided they hated you, just because? Now how do you combat that?

I know it ain’t easy being green. Not fitting in is hard. From childhood to old age, I guarantee you, we all want friends.

But to raise your young one to be a slave to that need, to want it so bad they would sacrifice their own beliefs or simply never fashion any outside the larger opinion, is sad.

People are going to decide they don’t like you for a myriad of reasons, ninety percent of which have nothing to do with you.

So if you teach your little ones that they are OK, and the world isn’t always right about everything, at least they will have themselves on that day their classmates decide they don’t like your kid, for no reason at all.

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Zuri Jerdon is a graduate student in English from Cincinnati.