Battles is fair food minus the carneys

Tom Hanks & Peter Gudlewski

There are six things we find cool about this job, and antique tin signs are three of them.

On the walls of Battles Bar-B-Q, right next door to Jimmy John’s, antique tin signs abound.

With an atmosphere straight from the state fair, we felt comfortable just sitting in the humidity, sipping some of the best lemonade on this side of Citrustown.

Despite the dilapidated appearance and the incredibly small dining area, Battles serves the best barbecue in Ames.

On a Saturday afternoon, with the rain gone away and the humidity upon us like a banshee, we strolled into Battles … and promptly left (we had to stop at the ATM across the street).

We returned and waited in the quickly forming and lengthening line. We ordered a pork sandwich and a beef and ham combo sandwich and a pair of those delicious lemonades. Then we sat down and were quickly served.

Dished up with potato chips and pickle spears (not to be confused with Britney Spears), our plates were overflowing with a bounty of meat and sauce. As we started to gorge ourselves, we noticed for the first time the excellent music playing in the building.

A melange of genres, ranging from blues to big band. The selection was laid back, like a late afternoon sitting on the dock by the bay.

As stated earlier, we got sandwiches.

Battles offers actual meals, with real side dishes and the like, but in our opinion, they are a little pricey.

The sandwich, chips, pickles and drink at Battles cost us a little over five dollars a piece — a very reasonable price for what we got.

The sandwiches were served on a roll, and the meat was succulent, tender and juicy — emphasize juicy.

And the sauce … ah the sauce. Somehow our sauce orders got switched, and Tom got the hot sauce, while my sandwich was served with mild.

According to Tom, “The hot sauce tasted like something I could have scraped off of my engine block.”

It was a little bit like chugging a pint of gasoline and proceeding to swallow flaming swords by the dozens.

Hot.

The mild sauce, however, was nice and tame. Not too tame, but it didn’t make me wish there were a fire extinguisher nearby.

We must reemphasize the pickle because while Tom is not a kosher dill man, I am, and he downed three before he even looked at the rest of his plate.

As summer approaches and that urge to cook slabs of meat overtakes you, appease those urges with a stop at Battles Bar-B-Q. And you don’t even have to pretend to ignore those crazy state fair carneys.


Peter Gudlewski is vehemently opposed to the profession of carney and has never ridden a roller coaster. Tom Hanks was, once again, snubbed at this year’s Oscars, and he also finds the roller coaster slightly repulsive.