You have to keep gambling. I know I wrote about gambling last week, but the saga continues.

If you are a woman and you want to truly understand the male psyche, go to a casino and watch the men.

If you are a man, you cannot and simply will not stop gambling until you are — at the very least — even.

If a guy is down five dollars, he will dig into his pockets for whatever it takes to get back to even. I know because I’ve not only done it but seen it happen with all of my crew.

The casino is very representative of my relationship with my fiance.

It’s about power. It’s about control. We males cannot sit and look at a roulette table, stack of cards or a slot machine and know we have the power to clean out our checking account.

We have to have the power in the relationship between the board and ourselves, much like a relationship between men and women. We have to be dominant on all occasions.

I’m not saying it’s right, but I’m saying it’s the way it is. We need control, and without it, we go crazy to the point of panic.

Look at it this way: If I come home and tell my fiance to cook me some food, she is usually down with fixing up some grub.

But if she would say, “Cook it yourself you fat tub of ass,” I would panic. I would literally freak out.

It’s the same thing with the casino.

I go up to the board, and I put my money down. The game takes the money, and I demand it give the money back to me. When the board says, “You ain’t getting squat back you bald bitch,” I freak. I start playing not to win, but to beat the game and teach it a lesson.

I am also too competitive with my relationship with Laura. For example, there was a time when she flicked water on my face just to get a giggle. So I spit a mouthful of water in her face.

Then she dumped a glass of water on me. Next thing you know, I have her pinned to the ground with my foot on her throat, drenching her under a hose.

It’s just that I, as well as all males, have to always go one better. If I am winning at the casino, and the person next to me is up more money than I am, I will ante up just to say I’m beating him as well.

If he bets $10, I bet $20. If he goes big, I go bigger.

Competition is really a sickness. If the other guy ends up winning more on a certain night, I find him in the parking lot and beat his head into a curb.

Pretty intense, huh?

On a more serious note, I do think everyone should go to a casino at least once. It is an exhilarating experience that is worth the $20 to $30 dollars you will undoubtedly lose.

I would like to extend an invitation to all of you out there who have not yet had the gambling experience, to meet me at Meskwaki tonight at 11 sharp. I can show you all how to lose all your money in no time. If you give me 10 minutes, I’ll give you a week’s worth of stomach aches.

Peace and love, people.

We’ll talk later.

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Chad Calek is a senior in journalism and mass communication from Persia.