People all over love to complain about the way women are portrayed in the media. These people claim that the women we see in magazines and on television give us an unrealistic image of what the ideal woman should look like.

In my Textiles and Clothing 165 class, we were given a handout that showed the average body sizes of models in comparison to the body size of the average American woman. Unfortunately, I hate TC 165 and destroyed all of my handouts in a violent rage.

But the basic point was that your average woman can shower worry-free, while your average supermodel has to be concerned about not falling down the shower drain.

Another handout pointed out that if Barbie were a real person, her waist would be thinner than a bicycle spoke, her boobs would have their own zip code and grown men would constantly be taking her head off to make their little sisters cry.

Women have lobbied Mattel to make more realistic dolls because they fear that children who play with Barbies eventually want to be like Barbie and have a boyfriend with molded plastic hair.

They also say Barbie and media images of thin women cause women to have low self-esteem, depression, eating disorders, and to become lousy drivers.

I am not quite sure who “they” are, but I am sure “they” are leading authorities on this issue, so I am not going to argue with their claims that an unrealistic standard for women’s beauty has been set in America. I am just upset that the plight of men is being completely ignored.

Just look at the unrealistic way men are portrayed by the media. We are made out to be sex-crazed maniacs who drink beer and watch sports all day. OK, maybe we are like that, but the media say we are like that AND have incredibly huge muscles.

And if you think women have it rough trying to look like Barbie, just imagine how hard it is for us guys. When we were kids, we played with things like Transformers (“more than meets the eye”).

Talk about an unrealistic portrayal of men. No matter how hard I try, I can barely turn myself into a Ford Escort, let alone a fully armed semi-truck like my hero, Optimus Prime. And I’m still waiting for the day when I can shoot a missile out of my forearm.

So thanks to television and other factors, I have yearned to have a huge hulking body resembling that of “Hercules'” Kevin Sorbo. This is a major problem because my body is built much more like Kate Moss.

But someone once told me “if you put your mind to it, you can do anything,” (lying bastard). Because of this I started working out so I, too, could become huge and sexy.

I lifted weights every day for two years, transforming my body from a skinny sack of bones to a sore and tired skinny sack of bones.

But all was not lost because I learned some important lessons during my time in the weight room. Most importantly, I learned that I don’t want to become a huge weightlifter because huge weightlifters are stupid.

Of course, if you are a huge weightlifter, I am obviously referring to other non-Daily reading weightlifters, not you. Please don’t hunt me down in my dorm and break things, especially my neck.

But weightlifters are dumb, and I have proof. Oftentimes when men are lifting large weights, such as Cadillacs, over their heads, they want someone to “spot” for them. The “spotter” is supposed to be able lift the Cadillac off this man’s head, should he drop it on himself.

Here’s where the stupid part comes in. Oftentimes, large, scary-looking weight- lifters would ask ME to spot for them. They would ask this despite the fact they see me obviously struggling to hoist my water bottle over my head.

I was self-trained, too; when approached by very large scary men, I do whatever the heck they tell me to do. So I, when asked to spot, would follow him over to his bench press and assume what looked to be the ready position to save his life when, in actuality, I was ready to flee in horror the second the weights hit his head.

I don’t blame these men for their stupidity; they may have been very intelligent folks when they first entered the gym. But eventually they lose brain cells to make way for muscles, and soon their bodies are so huge they can’t fit out the exits anymore.

So next time you walk or drive past an athletic club, take a moment think about the hundreds of weightlifters stuck in the weight room, constantly getting dumber and dumber. Then think about how it is the media that are causing these tragedies. Finally, feel free to laugh your head off.

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Peter Borchers is a sophomore in advertising from Bloomington, Minn. He blames his parents for giving him the “wimpy” gene.