It’s true. Sometimes you just can’t think of a really good topic. Sometimes you lose your faith in God. But then along comes Ev “God-socks” Cherrington to restore your faith in both.

Now, I have always taken God-socks with a grain of salt. Even during one particularly bleak period when I couldn’t walk into the Hub for a can of pop or bowl of soup without having that zealot pounce on me trying to get me to run some magazine article he ripped out of The National Review or In the Beginning Monthly.

And even when he managed to alienate one of my columnists by calling for her at her grandparents’ house, I figured he was mostly harmless.

He might have been a little bit on the annoying whackjob side with nothing better to do than harass students with his preaching but probably not a serious threat to anyone.

Even though I got kind of a strange vibe off of him, I just attributed that to the fact that when Christians start going off about the various subjects which concern them, they remind me of Piper Laurie in “Carrie.”

The beatific smile and the rock-steady gaze highlighting the very genuine concern about your soul can freak you out as much as playing “Doom” on acid while listening to Ministry while midgets in white robes throw little pickles at you.

That’s me, always willing to assume that my instincts are leading me astray.

But maybe that tingling sensation I got walking into the Hub was my spider-sense trying to tell me something after all.

Seems God-Socks got himself all riled up at the Jello Biafra performance Wednesday night and, according to who you believe, tried to pry Shane Howard’s daughter out of his arms against his will or tried to once again foist his opinions on the unwilling.

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess that maybe Old Ev isn’t a Dead Kennedy’s fan from way back.

I never got a punk vibe from Ev, so I am betting he doesn’t have a copy of “Frankenchrist” in his collection of old vinyl nestled somewhere between AC/DC’s “Highway to Hell” and a bootleg copy of Tracy Lord’s “early” works.

I am going to go even further and suggest that the only purpose God-socks would have for going to see Jello’s show besides taking in an evening of biting, political commentary and maybe picking up some alternative chicks would be to check out the enemy and see if he couldn’t make a point or two with the unconverted.

No matter how you feel about God-socks, this stuff has gone far enough.

There comes a point when being constantly confronted against your will about your religion and morality by some wingnut becomes harassment.

We’ve been sitting around all week talking about the early warning signs of anti-social behavior. Well here they are Sigmund Freud, check ’em out, whataya think?

I am inclined to believe Mr. Howard’s version of events if for no other reason than I have seen how persistent and zealous Ev can be.

What disturbs me more than anything is his inability to understand that people have the right to not be harangued when they are trying to get a cup of coffee and chicken sandwich on their way to the library.

Ev is a university employee, and that is the first fact that should change pronto. Enough people on this campus find God-socks to be a pain in the ass that getting rid of him should be no problem.

I don’t care which side of the religious debate you come down on. I don’t care if you think God-Socks is a nice guy or if you think he wouldn’t brutalize a child more than he may already have. The signs have been there.

The fact is Ev has made his last mistake. This kind of behavior would not be tolerated from anyone else.

With Ev, we’re all supposed to look the other way and say, “Oh it’s only Ev, he wouldn’t have hurt that little girl.”

Why? Because he’s religious? Because he’s a devout Christian?

Flash for the goon squad: You wouldn’t tolerate me coming up to you and your kinder shouting in your face about filth would you? Hell no.

If a guy like me came up to your family and asked to borrow the salt, you’d have me gone faster than a pack of smokes in a holding tank.

God-Socks is out of control. Regardless of his excuses, it isn’t his right to start crap with a man holding his child.

God-socks shouldn’t be working around students if he finds us so objectionable to begin with. Who the hell does this guy think he is?

---

Greg Jerrett is a graduate student in English from Council Bluffs. He is the opinion editor of the Daily.