MADRID, Spain — Technology is truly a great thing, isn’t it? Waiting in line an hour and a half to check your e-mail in the computer lab, finally seizing a computer but realizing you have no new messages.

Running to the Union to put more credit on your ISU Card because the Cash to Card machines in Friley are broken again. Then you get there only to find that the machine at the Union is broken, too, and your detergent-drenched clothes have to stay that way until you get some more money on your card.

And to top it off, I had to start over nearly from scratch after two hours spent writing this column because — ironically — the computer screen went blank. “HA HA!” my computer said, “That’ll teach him to write anything against technology.”

So, as you can probably tell, I’m beginning to adopt a Kurt Vonnegut, anti-technology attitude.

Technology is starting to scare the hell out of me.

You can’t even call and order a pizza without the person taking your order automatically knowing your name, address and phone number. If Pizza Hut can know that much information about you from one phone call, imagine how much the government knows? Or computer hackers?

It was just last year when I received a mysterious e-mail message presumably sent by myself that simply said, “BOO.” I still have yet to find out how that piece of e-mail was sent or who its source was.

Here in Europe, technology is thriving, despite a few hindrances from the United States.

Cellular phones have taken over the lives of Europeans.

They ring in movie theaters, libraries, the bus, Spanish class —anywhere is fair game for talking on the phone.

They come in all sizes, shapes and colors. You can even program in your favorite song to play as a substitute for the standard everyday ring. My personal favorite is Beethoven’s 5th.

The nighttime bustle of the downtown streets of Madrid just wouldn’t be complete without the sound of ringing cell phones.

People march down the streets, phones strapped to their belts like cowboys’ pistols.

If a phone rings in a crowded restaurant, four or five people draw their pistols to catch the call, but only one lucky one actually receives it.

I’ve even heard people talking on cell phones while sitting on the toilet in public bathrooms.

Isn’t that insane? What in the world could be so important that you need to chat about it while going to the bathroom?

And with phone advertisements boasting connections so clear you can hear a pin drop, I’d hate to experience the sound of a … well, you know dropping over the phone.

At least in the US, cell phone use is mostly confined to large cities. Here on the other hand, the cellular phone has no boundaries.

Which moves us along to the next point.

People are obsessed and controlled by e-mail.

I’ll be the first to admit it. I’m an e-mail junkie. At home, I often check my e-mail 10 to 15 times a day.

I know there are others out there like me. Others who think e-mail is the greatest procrastination tool ever invented. Who cares if it’s just another piece of junk mail, if it’s mail we’ll read it, and we’re excited to get it.

But, because of the drawbacks caused by what I will call the American strain, I haven’t been able to get my 10 to 15 fixes of e-mail per 24-hour period.

At 9 a.m. Eastern Standard Time (3 p.m. Spain), when corporate America hits the office, Europeans logging onto the Internet are pushed back.

Left with slow-loading web pages and messages that say the server is busy, European web surfers must stand clear and pave the way for the American beast.

When America goes online, the Internet slows down here in Europe.

I miss the days of light speed Ethernet.

However, there is one option available here in Madrid that isn’t available at home. Fellow e-mail junkies and I can now duck into the local Burger King and surf the Internet while eating our Whoppers and sipping our Cokes.

Although I haven’t actually tried it yet, the idea of enjoying a cheeseburger while reading my e-mail sounds quite appealing right now.

But, the downside to this idea is at Burger King, I would have to use an Internet-based e-mail program like Hotmail or Yahoo.

Sadly enough, I actually have a Hotmail account, and I think I’m being punished for it.

On bad days, I’m convinced Hotmail permanently locks out European users when its time for the Yanks to take over.

One day I spent 45 minutes straight trying to log in and still didn’t succeed. I guess that’s what I get for having an e-mail account under the dominion of the mighty Bill Gates and his Microsoft evil empire.

Wait. I think I hear my cellular phone ringing, so if you could hold on a second that’d be great … oh, I guess it was someone else’s.

What was I saying? Oh yeah, technology is really fantastic.

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Conor Bezane is a sophomore in journalism and mass communication from Chicago.