For some reason, people always think I know what I am doing. Whenever there is a problem, Aaron can be counted on to fix it.

Even though I would like to say they are correct, humility forces me to admit they are only partially correct.

I inherited from my parents the genetic code that leaves me predisposed to save my ego at all costs. This gene, christened by scientists as the “arrogant bastard” gene when discovered in September of 1977, forces me to save face no matter what.

In this instance, the age-old question of heredity versus environment was settled the day I was conceived. My genetic makeup prevents me from admitting I am wrong, and I find myself bluffing whenever I don’t know the answer.

My possession of this gene is not an isolated incident. The vast majority of men are plagued by the “arrogant bastard” gene.

I should have suspected as much when I told my friend how fast I could drive on Mortensen Road and he automatically doubled my number and said it was no big deal. The lying bastard.

This gene forces men to make stuff up as they go along just to save face. We can’t admit we don’t have a clue what we’re doing, and this gene kicks in especially in the presence of women.

The best example of this gene is the myth of male auto-repair.

When a car breaks down, a woman will stand helplessly by the side of the road and wait for someone to pick her up. A man will demonstrate his intelligence by opening the hood and staring blankly at the engine. He’ll tug on some wires and hope that the problem will magically fix itself but won’t actually accomplish anything.

But to the people driving by it looks like the man knows what he’s doing, and the myth is upheld because nobody ever sees the man actually give up and try hitchhiking. This is because the stranded motorist gets eaten by a pack of hungry wolves as soon as the sun goes down.

So the myth of guys knowing how to fix things lives on in the mind of society, despite the half-eaten tennis shoe lying by the side of the road.

There actually are some men who do possess fix-it skills, these are the guys who rebuild motorcycle engines with their eyes closed and make nuclear weapons out of common household products.

The eyes-closed bit is another myth. Though these men are just as mechanically inclined as other men, they are lucky enough to possess a variant of the “arrogant bastard” gene that helps them bluff their way through every situation they encounter.

These men don’t bat an eye when a new and complex problem presents itself. Instead, they make a snap decision and stick to it. They know standing there and pondering the issue is what idiots do.

In their minds, real men always know the answer. Hesitation is a sign of the weak.

What you must realize is that men aren’t really as mechanically inclined as you may think. They just lie a lot and rely on sheer ingenuity. I figured this out when someone dragged me out of my room to fix their exhaust.

Most people would have thrown up their hands and called for a tow truck, but someone told my friend I actually knew something about cars. So they incorrectly assumed that I could help.

Examining the car forced me to realize the solution was beyond my capabilities. But I saw I could jury-rig it enough for them to make it to the nearest muffler shop.

With a half-hour and a few feet of picture-hanging wire, my position as a car-guru secure.

Despite my utter lack of knowledge in fixing things, I was able to BS my way through a difficult situation. This got me thinking I could actually fix things, and with a few rubber bands and some “borrowed” food service utensils I decided to tackle the shower drain on my floor.

While the solution wasn’t pretty, it did work. And this led me to my downfall.

Confident that I could fix anything, I offered to help a friend work on her bicycle. While it came apart easily enough, the jumble of pieces laying in the middle of her floor tells the true story. Another friend who works in a bike store will be along tomorrow.

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Aaron Woell is a junior in political science from Bolingbrook, Ill. So, Ha!