Isn’t Internet pornography awesome? I got a computer last week and let me tell you, I ain’t been sleeping much.

All the porn you can handle, baby! I’m not just talking about garden variety porn either. I’m talking about anything the mind can imagine.

From women with women to women with cattle, the Internet is your own personal one-stop porno shop.

But I have to tell you that the Internet has taught me a thing or two about humanity.

For instance, how many of you out there would say that you would watch a downloaded video of a woman having sex with a dog?

I would bet money not many of you would admit that you would view K-9 love.

But low and behold, over 29,000,000 people have visited beastiality.com.

Who are these people?

Well, I’m one of them—I’ll admit it.

Watching a woman have sex with a dog, while tasteless and degrading, is also fascinating.

I can reference it to watching videos like “Faces of Death.” While “Faces of Death” and beastiality.com may be gross, at the same time, they’re very stimulating.

But some of you may say that screwing Fido has no place in this world.

I would disagree. I would say it has a place for those who enjoy viewing it. I would say it can be used as a tool to educate society about the darkness of the sexual mind.

Remember, there are people who believe lesbian sex is wrong. To them, I would argue that lesbian sex has its place in the world, and that place is in my porno library. It’s all about what turns your wheels.

So, I moved on to other extreme hardcore pornography sites where I found pictures of men dressed as preachers having sex with younger women. Later, I found people who actually eat feces.

Wow, I thought. The Internet is the greatest thing I’ve ever come across.

Before you bad-mouth me and call me a freak, just hear me out.

I’m not saying that the less-than-moral acts that these sexual bandits perform should be common-place in the home.

I’m not saying that women should sleep with dogs. I’m not saying that preachers should bang young women, and I’m definitely not saying that I would eat my own crap.

In those cases, I can see where a person might be offended by such acts.

I am saying that there are obviously a lot of people in this world who have these fantasies. I’m saying that these sites tell the brutal truth about the darkness of the human psyche.

The Internet is a tool of those truths. In this world, truth is a breath of fresh air.

The Internet allows the common man or woman to be himself in the privacy of his home. Think about this honestly. How many of you reading this truly get to be yourself on a daily basis?

What if everyone knew your darkest sexual thoughts?

What if you like sex with animals and had to walk around campus sporting a sign on your head that read “I love watching animals have sex with women?” Could you handle that? Nope.

But you can handle it when you’re home alone.

Remember that it is very hard to determine what is lewd and what isn’t.

Lewdness is an opinion based upon many different beliefs such as morality, religious orientation and simple preferences. Each of us has somewhat different views about morality, religion and personal preferences, so reaching a standard is impossible.

The Internet simply offers a sexual bonanza for all who surf.

Do you realize the Internet is the only form of media that can truly claim its target audience to be humanity?

So when you’re sitting in class today, look around you and realize the true company that you are in. Everyone has a secret. Everyone has a deep mystery inside of them that is dying to crawl out of their sexual cellar.

The Internet simply unlocks the door.

We’ll talk later.

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Chad Calek is a senior in journalism and mass communication from Peoria.