What ever happened to the good ol’ days of film? Where is today’s “Animal House”? Where is today’s “Weird Science”?

They are nowhere to be found.

I really have a yearning for a new “Caddyshack,” “Party Animal” or “Hollywood Hot Tubs.”

Have we all forgotten how important these films of marginal intelligence are to the human psyche?

I remember the days when my parents would rush off to the grocery store and I would pull out my stashed-away “Revenge of the Nerds” tape in an attempt to further my awareness of college life.

Okay, so maybe “Revenge of the Nerds” didn’t show exactly what college life was like, but it was pretty close.

The point is, I can’t find that genre of films anywhere on the big screen these days.

Last night I went to a movie with my fiance‚ and balked when I realized my choices were “Shakespeare in Love,” “Message in a Bottle” and “Thin Red Line.”

Although all three choices may have been excellent films, I really wasn’t in the mood to feel an overwhelming amount of love or disgust for the human race.

I simply wanted some trash that would make me laugh.

The closest our generation has to offer in this department is Adam Sandler.

His films bleed with ignorance but are packed with loads of humor. With Chris Farley buying the farm, it’s just too bad Sandler is the lone crusader in slapstick comedy.

Here’s another question: where are today’s Freddy Krueger, Michael Myers, Hellraiser and Jason Vorhees?

We all know how many nights these goons kept us awake staring at the shadows in our rooms.

Name one film today that has an identifiable bad guy. There aren’t any.

I literally pissed my pants the first time I watched the original “Nightmare on Elm Street.”

The image of Krueger walking down the alley with his arms extended, scratching the metal walls with bladed gloves, may be the most stimulating horror film scene ever.

How about in “Hellraiser” when the flying chains with hooks tear the innocent victim’s flesh from his body?

Not only were these films great to get a scare — they were great for dates.

Take the lady out to an ’80s horror flick and you are guaranteed to get a squeeze or two.

Our generation has to compromise with such retarded films as “Scream,” “The Faculty” and “Disturbing Behavior.”

The film world is depressing right now. The only thing giving it any credit is director Kevin Smith, whose list of films include “Clerks,” “Mallrats” and “Chasing Amy.”

Smith will make a comeback soon with his most recent film,”Dogma,” which will feature Jay and Silent Bob during 80 percent of the dialogue.

Until then, we’ll have to suffer through movies of earth-ending asteroids and high school football dramas.

Peace out.

We’ll talk later.

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Chad Calek is a senior in journalism and mass communication from Peoria.