I’ve always found it ironic that the Bible’s loudest “thumpers” are largely ignorant of its contents. A religious scholar friend of mine describes the phenomenon in the following way:

“These people have simply made up their own religion which has no actual foundation in the Bible. They then claim that the Bible somehow supports their personal dogma.”

Such “Christians” tell us that to dispute their words is to challenge the Bible’s authority.

This is their trump card, so frequently played when they find themselves unable to explain their position using reason or facts.

They would have us take it (on faith, I suppose) that they alone know God’s will.

Per these folks, devout Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists and Jews are all going to burn in hell. They smile beatifically as they console us with the knowledge that they are praying for our poor, “hellbound” souls.

Such hubris is appalling. Speaking of hubris, isn’t pride chief among the seven deadly sins? Didn’t Lucifer get nailed for pride?

Alas, like Lucifer, these folks don’t seem the least bit repentant for their sin of pride. They just repeat it, again and again.

One of my readers claims that I “will only pay attention to the Bible’s overarching themes” of love, forgiveness and compassion.

He says that I neglect its specific words. This assertion is made with as much factual basis as other assertions that such people make (i.e., none whatsoever).

For the record: It is my practice to pay close attention to the Bible’s many words.

I’ve endeavored to understand the Bible as history, as philosophy and as the foundation of my own personal religious beliefs. As stated previously, the Bible is a complex work. Taking selected excerpts out of context is an excellent way of distorting its message, if that is one’s intent.

For instance: let’s suppose that I’m a hugely successful fundamentalist Christian leader (in a parallel universe, if that makes you more comfortable).

I have my own television program, billions of dollars and vast political influence. But I want more. I’d like to reinstitute the practice of polygamy.

Noting the many textual precedents, I find support among “the faithful” for this once-popular convention. Why not?

It was good enough for the patriarchs of Genesis! Also, in Second Samuel, Nathan delivers this message to David on behalf of the LORD: “I gave you your master’s house, and your master’s wives” (2 Samuel, 12:8).

How about that? God not only condones polygamy, sometimes He even provides the girls!

But I’m still not satisfied. I’d like to have some slaves, too. In Exodus, God gives several ordinances to Moses.

Among these are various policies for properly governing the institution of slavery. Using several biblical references, I “prove” that God endorses slavery.

When the human rights wackos start up with me, I distribute a gazillion pamphlets, spreading the word of Jesus: “Slaves, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling” (Ephesians 6:5).

If that doesn’t shut them up, I remind them that I can buy their asses several times over.

I expertly manipulate people’s fears of foreigners and minorities, and my power grows.

Finally, I invoke Judges and its pro-monarchy themes. After all, I’d like to be emperor, wouldn’t I?

Both the Old and New Testaments support my policies, so what on earth could be the problem?

The problem is this: while I emphasized snippets of the Bible that supported my agenda, I ignored others such as the Bible’s prohibitions against usury and the oppressive treatment of aliens in our land.

Why was I not as concerned about these? Simple: they didn’t help me control people.

Demagogues pick their Bible passages carefully.

Okay, so you believed some righteous holy nut who told you that the Bible says: “Homosexuals will not inherit the kingdom of God.”

You were rude to some good friends. They’ll most likely forgive you.

It’s not the end of the world, at least for eleven months, right? There’s still plenty of time to examine the writings of St. Augustine, Edigio da Viterbo, Santa Pagnini and other religious scholars and saints whose interpretations of the Bible actually help illuminate the text.

If that doesn’t work, try picking up a copy of the Bible and reading it, preferably before you tell one more person that he or she is going to spend an eternity in misery because he or she doesn’t attend the same church you do.

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James O’Donnell is a graduate student in painting, drawing and printmaking from Mesa, Ariz.