With the Y2K vast approaching and a bunch of talk about how some mass computer failure is going to cause the end of the world, I have figured out what is really going to cause Armageddon.

It all has to do with the latest craze that has taken over the minds and bodies of young women all over the country.

Tae-Bo.

The exercise that combines tae kwan do and boxing was created by seven-time World Martial Arts Champion, Billy Blanks.

It began as just another late-night infomercial no different from all the rest. The only reason I noticed Tae-Bo is because I was making fun of the leg warmers Blanks was wearing.

But Tae-Bo has gone from boring infomercial to consummate craze — which is exactly what scares me.

There have been hundreds of different exercise machines and techniques that have started out as informercials and gone nowhere.

But one afternoon I woke up, and every girl I knew was doing Tae-Bo and talking about it non-stop.

I’ve been hearing phrases like, “Tae-Bo kicked my ass today,” and “I’ve done Tae-Bo three times today!”

One night I was having a serious conversation about Tae-Bo with a friend and she said when she first started Tae-Bo, it was no big deal, but now she thinks about it and Billy all day long.

Apparently, while you are doing the exercise, this Blanks dude motivates you with his words of wisdom (which explains the influx of girls I’ve heard talking in Billy-Speak).

Then one day it dawned on me. Can you say cult?

Blanks is the anti-Christ, and he is going to cause the end of the world by brain-washing millions of poor young women who have no idea what is going on.

All of his workout tapes are equipped with hidden messages that will give specific instructions to a mass-Tae-Bo Armageddon.

I ran this idea by some Tae-Bo friends of mine who were already too brainwashed to admit I was onto something.

“Tae-Bo is the best thing ever. You should try it, Sinbad and Shaq do it,” one Tae-Boer said. They all just kept asking me to try it, which tells me that Blanks has them recruiting new victims.

And considering that Shaq is the most overrated player in the NBA, and Sinbad is the most un-funny comedian I have ever heard (remember VIBE TV?), it is hard to take a Tae-Boer’s word for anything.

Anyway, this is what is going to happen:

In about May of the Y2K, Blanks is going to organize mass-Tae-Boing in some obscure country far, far away.

While there, it is going to turn into mass-suicide and over half of the world’s population will be wiped out.

If you don’t believe there is something wrong here, type in Tae-Bo on the Internet and you’ll see that there are more than 95 thousand matches. Tae-Bo has only been around a few months which you’d think is hardly enough time to even make a home page.

Kind of reminds me of another Internet-based group, what was that called again? Heaven’s Gate or something?

One of the craziest things I’ve heard about Tae-Bo is that when you are doing it you get really tired at the end but every time you try to quit, Billy says, “Don’t stop, I’m watching you. My eyes are always on you.”

That is just messed up.

Those of you on my side, for the sake of our world’s future, stop anyone you know from doing Tae-Bo. And whatever you do, don’t get sucked in by the brain-washing techniques of Billy Blanks.

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Kyle Moss is a freshman in journalism and mass communication from Urbandale.