“Surreal”

Swimmer

What strikes you like a fist in the teeth in the opening track of Swimmer’s debut album, “Surreal,” is how the band’s lead singer, McCarron (one word, just like Cher, Prince or Zamfir, master of the pan flute), sounds like the bastard son of Popeye and Bob Dylan.

McCarron has one of those powerful, reverberating voices that can really annoy you and possibly cause a seizure.

The title track isn’t all that bad except for the queer-sounding vocals and the unconscionably stupid lyrics.

Check this out: “I’m like a billy goat, tryin’ to stay afloat, yeah/ My head’s so physical, messed up and cynical, yeah.”

Thank God he’s nearly unintelligible until the second verse: “I’m like a buffalo, tuning a radio, yeah/ My brain’s fallin’ off a stool, into a whirlpool, yeah.”

It’s a great way to get someone’s attention, but it’s about as hard to take seriously as Christian Slater doing anti-drug commercials.

Swimmer is one of those atmospheric bands that create heady images with their instruments before occasionally bursting into power chords and cheesy lyrics (so the band should be popular at parties and get a lot of airplay).

The group isn’t quite up to “Tubthumping” level, but more like a half-assed ’90s version of The Alarm fused with the same kind of musical integrity as Oasis.

Some spots on this album brim with originality just before ripping off some sound-effect trick from The Beatles. Just when you think you’ve heard something decent, it turns all sour.

While Swimmer may be big in Scotland, the total package is a bit weak by American standards. Really, how much falsetto can we appreciate now that Roy Orbison is dead?

McCarron’s vocals on “It’s So Perfect” could pierce the eardrums, and the only thing you would feel is gratitude that you wouldn’t have to listen to this mewling tripe anymore.

This album is like “Trainspotting” meets The Bay City Rollers, but the only one puking this time is the listener. Music this bad should only be used to stop prison riots.

1 star out of five

— Greg Jerrett

“Breaking God’s Heart”

Hefner

To Darren Hayman, songwriter/vocalist/guitarist for the London-based trio Hefner, where you come from is as important as what you listen to.

“I think we’re makin’ music that’s indigenous to London,” Hayman says in the band’s bio. “The way I hear it is that it couldn’t be made in another city or country.”

Hefner’s urban folk style is defined by the band as political. Throughout the album, the style switches from frenetic and engaging to wistful and instinctive, making “Breaking God’s Heart” a true testament to British anti-pop culture.

Hefner released “Breaking God’s Heart” on Too Pure Records, an indie label that boasts artists such as P.J. Harvey and Stereolab.

The album paints a picture of ultra-cool melancholy, leaving the Gallager brothers wondering what they missed.

Hayman’s voice is reminiscent of Weezer’s Rivers Cuomo if he would’ve been born in London. Hayman joins Morrisey and Robert Smith in the hall of horny geek icons.

With seemingly pre-pubescent voice pops and thought-provoking lyrics, Hayman’s overall lyrical style leaves the listener confused but wanting more.

Hefner was featured in SPIN magazine’s “New Artists” along with Zebrahead and Talvin Singh. SPIN said Hayman’s peculiar style is like “making befuddlement seem almost beguiling.”

Though the group may be gaining popularity in America, “Breaking God’s Heart” best reflects the culture of London.

3 stars out of five

— Sam Johnson

“Scheer Energy”

Video World

Northern-California’s Video World recently released an interesting second effort on the Scheer Energy label aptly titled “Scheer Energy.”

The group plays with a non-secular, happy-go-lucky, Buddy Holly-style rock, which would be fantastic if only the band would incorporate other words in its lyrics besides the name of the title track.

The album is driven by the vocals of Spencer Scheer — driven like a Ford Pinto, that is. If you can imagine the utter discomfort of riding in a Pinto, then maybe you understand how bad this music is.

One of the few highlights served up on “Scheer Energy” is the tune “Middle of the Night.” This is a fairly good song compared to what is offered on the rest of the album.

The guitar work by Scheer is also one of the few highlights of the album.

This album carries a good message to the faithful at the expense of an upset stomach.

1/2 star out of five

— Brett Noble