The year of 1998 has gone past, and it is now a time of reflection — a time to rejoice in the good of ourselves and the good of others.

It is a time to kick back, have a cool Icehouse, smoke a pack and give yourself a few seconds to hang your head and wonder what the new year will bring.

The future, and all its uncertainty, can be very scary at times. That’s where I come in.

Much like a Belgian prostitute at an AIDS clinic, I can pretty much predict the future — well, at least when it comes to the entertainment world.

So, here we go.

Prediction one: Bisexual women will rule the big screen.

Neve Campbell gave us a taste in “Wild Things,” Kevin Smith delivered a bisexual masterpiece in “Chasing Amy,” and Anne Heche was awesome in that one movie. What was it called?

OK, forget Heche. Lesbians just don’t do it for us guys, ya know? If the main character is bisexual, then the men could possibly be included. If she is a straight lesbian, we’re cut out of the picture, and we don’t like that.

But what if Heche made a movie where she got a heapin’ helping of Campbell’s loving grooves? That would be cool. I need to get a hold of Heche’s agent.

Anyway, my point is that movies featuring bisexual women are instant cult classics, and there is not enough of them. They may fail on the big screen, but they clean up in the video department. Lookout femi-nazis, the bi-crew is gettin’ bigger.

Prediction two: N’Sync, Backstreet Boys, Five and 98 Degrees will all see their popularity fade.

Why, you may ask?

Because they suck!

Prediction three: Puff Daddy — of Puff Daddy and the Family — will shoot Jay-Z in a brutal gang fight started by Pras of the Refugee Camp.

The Wu-Tang Clan — allies of the Refugee Camp and also close friends with the No Limit Soldiers — will get revenge by killing anyone who buys a Jay-Z record.

Busta Rhymes — fish-eye lens guru and leader of the notorious Flip Mode Squad — will be called in as a mediator to end the rap war. But the call will be too late as Rhymes will be gunned down by a 7-year-old wearing a No-Limit gold tank pendant, a Wu-Tang Clan shirt, a Puff Daddy hat and shoes with the words “Refugee” scribbled across the heal.

This will cause modern day gangsta rappers to finally figure it out. Increase the peace, fellas. Music is power, so respect it before you’re all dead.

Prediction four: The whole “keep it real” mentality will be replaced with a “sell-out” mentality.

Look where keepin’ it real got Kurt Cobain, Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix. Then look where “selling out” got Metallica, Korn and Puff Daddy.

Oh, wait a minute. Puff Daddy is black so he can’t sell out. Puffy was just gettin’ his. Remember, you’re only a sell out if you’re white and you turn a once original sound into commercialized ga-ga. If you’re a black musician doing the same, you’re just screwing the man back.

Prediction five: White rap is going to have a big comeback party, and Vanilla Ice won’t be invited.

Everlast — formerly of House of Pain — and Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit are going to lead the charge.

Although white rappers are admittedly lacking in the lyrical skill department, they have their place in the world.

Where is that place you may ask? Urbandale High School. The home of DJ Jazzy Trevor and the rest of the wanna be Gadzooks’ poster boys.

“Check out my baggy pants. They’re phat. Check out my new Vans tennis shoes. They’re phat.”

I say, “Check out a mirror. The image really isn’t that phat.”

We’ll talk later.

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Chad Calek is a senior in journalism and mass communication from Persia.