I’m sorry, but I don’t really believe in psychics. All that crystal ball and tarot card stuff — I just don’t buy it.

Besides, the lady in the paper always gives me something like a four. Why should all the Aquarians get screwed every day?

And those hotline psychics — they’re the best. All they need is your name and birthdate. Hello! If they’re so psychic, shouldn’t they know them? But obviously they’ve figured something out, because at $5.99 per minute they’re pulling in a load of cash.

Now, one of the 1-900-moneymakers has a book out. The life story of psychic extraordinaire Sylvia Browne is available for purchase in the form of “Adventures of a Psychic,” currently on the New York Times paperback bestseller list.

Many have already been introduced to Browne through her frequent appearances on talk shows. Again and again she wows the audience with her amazing ability to foretell future and past occurrences.

Talk show host Montell Williams even praises Browne on the back cover of her book, saying, “Psychic, medium, clairvoyant, channel — these are all words used to describe Sylvia Browne’s unique power. I never believed in the first four words before, and then I met Sylvia Browne.”

And even I, the skeptic, must admit — it does look pretty real on TV. If the whole thing is a hoax, it’s a pretty good one.

After seeing her act on television, the book appears to be intriguing as well. I expected one “ooh-ahhh” story after the next — how Browne saved that little boy’s life when he fell down the well, or how she led police straight to a vicious serial killer just before he got his next victim.

That kind of stuff is in there, but there isn’t nearly enough of it.

Instead, when you pick up “Adventures of a Psychic,” you get a basic autobiography with an occasional supernatural twist thrown in now and then, just for kicks.

The seasoned “psychic” credits her grandmother, Ada Coil, as being her psychic inspiration, even after her death. In the afterword, Browne writes that she believes her granddaughter Angelia is now Ada reincarnated, back to use her psychic powers and once again watch over Browne from earth.

The most interesting part of Browne’s story comes at the end, when she reveals that she regards her psychic gift and the psychic realm to be its own religion. She has since established her own church, calling it Novus Spiritus, which is now growing internationally.

“Adventures of a Psychic” packed too much down-to-earth reality and not enough (literally) out-of-this-world stories. I’m no psychic, but my prediction for the future is that there will be less reading and more T.V. watching.

2 stars out of five

Kelsey Foutch is a sophomore in journalism and mass communication from Waterloo.