College students can be split off into two separate groups: people who want to be on “The Real World” and people who don’t. The split seems random at first, I will admit.

Why not split students into groups who did or did not think that they could be on “Webster,” “The Price Is Right,” or “Babe Winklemen’s Outdoor Extravaganza?”

Why pick this certain reality-based MTV “drama”?

Why even split them up at all, why not let them be?

Because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t get paid, that’s why.

First of all, the topic of being on Real World just seems to bring many issues of character instantly into focus.

When anyone admits that they indeed would like to be on the show, you instantly know a few things about the person off the top.

Obviously, the aspiring Real Worlder is a narcissist just utterly starved for attention.

They are willing to sell every element of their life to MTV and their cameras just so they can hang out on the coast somewhere in a ridiculous house and work at a cushy job.

They have no shame.

Every phone conversation is taped, every secret late night escapade is uncovered, and every fight is analyzed and input taken from both sides.

If I was having a fight with one of my roommates, I wouldn’t want any cable network trying to sort things out and then subtly present the incident in a way that would let the viewers know how wrong I was and how big of an ass I am.

How do these people argue with the girlfriends and boyfriends they left behind when they know all of this is going to be on the next episode and after they hang up, they’re going to be interviewed about the whole thing?

On the other side of the coin, people who don’t want to be on the show are comfortable with their own dreary existences and don’t really want to live with beautiful people in a beautiful house in a beautiful city.

For some reason, these people became their parents about 25 years too early. The difference between the groups doesn’t end there.

“The Real World” wannabes are the kind of people who are, or in most cases just think they are, interesting conversationalists.

These are students who stayed up until four in the morning arguing about race (even though everyone involved was a white, rural Iowan) when they were freshman and still taking cakewalk classes.

Stepping over to the other side of the fence, the non-“Real World” types have no confidence. They don’t think they are capable of being interesting week in and week out.

They recognize the fact that they’re able to chime in with something witty in their own circle of friends only once or twice a week, and are quite sure they would never get to talk if all their buddies were as witty and insightful as the people on MTV.

Beyond just dividing people into those who would and those who wouldn’t, there are some college students that have actually given this a lot of thought.

I’ve known people who thought they would be perfect for the “mentally unstable cast member” role.

Those who are scratching their heads obviously don’t watch “The Real World” much.

MTV always adds one extremely volatile, hostile person to an otherwise diverse and cooperative group.

Like the girl in the Seattle version of “The Real World” who had Lyme disease and went insane in front of our eyes.

Then some guy slapped the heck out of her and trashed her stuffed dog, but that’s a whole different story.

Anyway, these people are actually saying, “Yes, I believe my personality is just grating enough, and I can be irrational enough to be that crazy person.”

If they would just sit down and think, they would realize how wrong they are.

If they are so unstable, how come no one has slapped them or thrown their stuffed animals into the ocean, huh?

It all comes down to the fact that “The Real World”-to-be candidates are just flat out more interesting.

They’re probably going to have much higher therapy bills than their considerably more boring counterparts, but that’s years from now in a time that is impossible to think about when you’re in your twenties.

Even though they’re self-centered, cocky, opportunistic and just your basic all-around bad human being, they are a hell of a lot more fun to hang out with.

So next time you’re talking with your “unstable” friends, just tell them the camera is on and sit back and enjoy the show.

Then throw their stuffed dog in Lake LaVerne.

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David Roepke is a sophomore in mass communication and journalism from Aurora. He often writes his column wearing no pants.