You have to give Gus Van Sant a certain amount of credit. Van Sant, who probably could have directed any project he wanted after the success of last year’s “Good Will Hunting,” chose to remake “Psycho,” the 1960 horror classic, perhaps the best-known film by the late Master of Suspense, Alfred Hitchcock.

Van Sant, who’s obviously no dummy, realized this and decided to use the original script, and except for a couple of liberties (including colorization), basically remade Hitchcock’s version shot-by-shot. This shows a certain amount of respect from Van Sant, and originality in an unoriginal idea.

The problem is that the 1960 script doesn’t work in today’s cinema, at all.

The basic storyline surrounds Marion Crane (Anne Heche, reprising Janet Leigh’s shower victim role) and her $400,000 heist (in the original, it was $40,000). Crane is in a relationship with Sam Loomis (Viggo Mortensen, “A Perfect Murder”). Sam loves her, but unfortunately for poor Marion, he is severely in debt and can’t afford to marry her.

So Marion does the rational thing, and instead of banking a $400,000 deposit from her job, she takes the money and skips town, trying to find Loomis and share the good news that although she’s a fugitive now, they can get married.

But along the way, Marion stops at the Bates Motel, an eerie little establishment run by equally eerie Norman Bates (Vince Vaughn, “Swingers” and “Return to Paradise”).

Norman is cruelly dominated by his invalid mother and he seems a little odd to Marion — must be his taxidermy hobby. The two chat over sandwiches and Norman tells Marion about the abuse he suffers at “Mother’s” hands. Then, he flies into a rage when Marion innocently suggests he get some psychological help for his mother.

After their conversation ends, Marion jumps in the shower, and as millions of movie fans know, is brutally stabbed to death.

Enter Marion’s sister Lila Crane (Julianne Moore, “Boogie Nights”). She tracks down Sam, and with the help of a private investigator (William H. Macy, “Fargo”), the trio begins the search for Marion and the $400,000. Not satisfied with the information Norman gives them, they start to investigate what is so odd about the Bates Motel.

Although Van Sant doesn’t change too much of the original script, the alterations he makes are pretty laughable. (How many other moviegoers remember Norman’s masturbating and pornography habits?)

Plus, right before “the killer” takes another victim, there are these odd flashes of bondage and animals being slaughtered thrown across the screen, looking like outtakes from Nine Inch Nails’ “Closer” video. This “creative approach” garnered more laughs from the audience than screams.

Another disappointing aspect to the remake are the bad performances by a (usually) talented cast. Both Heche and Macy are fine, but they don’t stick around for much of the movie. And redneck Mortensen seems more interested in flirting with Moore than finding his missing girlfriend.

Moore, normally an excellent actress, is particularly obnoxious with her wallet chain and riot-grrl attitude.

Vince Vaughn is definitely the lowest point of the movie. True, the guy had his work cut out for him, taking over a role that was done to perfection by the late Anthony Perkins, but Perkins managed to seem both sympathetic and terrifying as the deeply disturbed Bates.

Vaughn does neither; in fact, he comes off so creepy during his initial talk with Marion that it is difficult for one to believe anyone would stick around the motel, even for one night.

The basic truth is — sorry, Gus — a script like “Psycho” can’t appeal to a ’90s audience who is used to seeing Drew Barrymore screech like a banshee.

All the issues covered in the original — abusive relationships, sexual taboos, mental illness — were shocking back then, while today it’s just another episode of “Springer.” Actually, there’s no real reason why the movie should be rated R. Even the two murder scenes are pretty tame by today’s standards.

An audience who hasn’t been exposed to the original “Psycho” is going to be sorely disappointed with the lack of gore and Neve Campbell. The audience who has seen the original isn’t going to be very appreciative of Van Sant’s revamping.

1 1/2 stars out of five.

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Kate Kompas is a sophomore in journalism and mass communication from LeClaire.