Gay men unite for ‘Coming Out On Fraternity Row’
December 10, 1998
Editor’s Note: “Coming Out in the Greek System” is a two-part series written by Daily reporter Jason Young. The first part of the series examines homophobia that exists in greek systems across the country and what members are doing to combat the problems. The second part of the series will cover whether homophobia exists in the greek system at Iowa State.
Steve Wisener graduated from Eastern Washington University in 1994. During his undergraduate stint there, he became active in a fraternity.
Like most fraternity members, it was the social aspect of the fraternal environment that caught his eye. He had fun. He had girlfriends. But he joined his fraternity for a different reason than most men do.
Wisener joined to learn how to be a straight man.
“The reason I joined the fraternity was because I thought I could learn to be straight,” said Wisener, who is now a residence hall coordinator at Iowa State.
Wisener said he knew he was gay as a child, but in order to feel accepted, he put up a heterosexual front.
He was not alone in his plight to be accepted by his fraternity brothers. Other members of the greek system across the country have battled with the question of whether to come out to their “brothers” or “sisters.”
Wisener and other men from various nationwide fraternities tell their “coming out” stories in “Coming Out On Fraternity Row,” an anthology of stories about gay men and their experiences living in fraternities. “Fraternity Row” was published earlier this year.
Wisener and one of his fraternity brothers revealed to each other that they were both gay one evening. Following the revelation, things took a turn for the worse. People started talking.
“I didn’t consider [my fraternity] a safe place anymore,” he said. After being the object of discrimination, Wisener left the house and became inactive.
Other universities are stepping up to combat homophobia.
David Wertheimer, junior at Cornell University, is a gay member of the greek system and a co-chairman of Greeks United Against Homophobia. GUAH is a student group whose mission, according to its Web page, is to “empower ourselves to combat homophobic behavior and attitudes,” among other things.
Wertheimer did not have to deal with repercussions of coming out because he was already “out” when he decided to pledge.
“Because I didn’t want to be in a fraternity that would not accept me for who I am, I made it a point to ensure that the brothers knew that I was gay before extending a bid to me,” he said.
“Because there were already out gay brothers in the house, sexuality was not an issue, and there were no hostile reactions.”
GUAH sets up social gatherings for students who identify as gay, lesbian or bisexual within the greek systems.
“These [gatherings] allow us to build our own support network, meet people who may be in similar situations and discuss ways to combat common problems,” Wertheimer said.
There is even a mostly gay and bisexual national fraternity.
David West is the national trustee for Delta Lambda Phi National Social Fraternity, whose members are predominantly gay or bisexual.
The fraternity has more than 20 chapters nationwide.
West graduated from California State University at Sacramento in 1992. He said while many members of the greek system accepted the fraternity, there were others who referred to it as “that faggot fraternity” or “that queer fraternity.”
West said it is difficult for gay fraternity members to come out of the closet because they fear they will damage the “brotherly” relationship that initially led them to join the fraternity.
“If your brothers estrange themselves from you for coming out, who do you have to rely on for that support network that you need at this critical time?” West said in an e-mail interview.
Though Wisener was a victim of demeaning speech, he does not condemn the greek system.
“I don’t have any bad feelings about going greek,” he said. “There’s a house for everyone.”
Through his hardships, Wisener said he learned the composure of a real man.
“I learned that being a real guy had to do with … being honest with yourself.”