Welcome to Finals Week! Excited? You should be. This week decides your fate. Scary, huh?

Have you heard of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross? She discovered the six stages preceding death. There are also five stages of procrastination.

Denial is the first stage of procrastination. When faced with exam preparation, you’ll leave it in the dust. You’ve got plenty of time to play before studying calls.

Then leave your home. Go buy Christmas presents for your great-aunt Bertha.

Then go out to eat; you need the nourishment. Go for a walk. There’s nothing like studying to get me to exercise.

After you’re home, the mind boggles. What can you do now? You decide to clean. Once you get bored, you realize you do need to get something done. So you take everything needed to a nice quiet place. You sit down and begin to read. Aren’t you the good student?

After some time in the books, your mind wanders. You’re in stage three: daydreaming. You remember the silliest stuff: a commercial jingle or that time in third grade that you fell off a swing and spilled contents of your head on the ground. Maybe that’s why you’re so irresponsible today. You make a mental note to contact a lawyer about a possible law suit.

Another half-hour in the books, and you realize you never should have started. You’re going to fail no matter what.

Paranoia has its hold on you. You begin to wonder how long you’ll live at home after ISU kicks your ass out of Ames for being an idiot. You begin to study like a madman. Living with your parents again is a fate you don’ t want to think about.

The next things that penetrate your consciousness are the rays of the rising sun bidding you good morning. As you’re packing up your bookbag to go to the exam, your mind has reached the end of the procrastination cycle: remorse. You know that you’ll never do that again.

Tori Rosin is a sophomore in journalism and mass communication from Portage, Wis.