So, this semester you are getting that sheepskin, and rather than doing the stint in the Peace Corps you told everyone you would be doing, you’ve decided you’ve sacrificed enough in the name of humanity.

Now you just want to get yourself the highest-paying job you can find and roll around in a fat wad of cash.

In spite of the fact that all that cash will leave you morally bankrupt but ecstatically happy, you still need to get that job.

Last week I told you what to do with that job when you get it. Now it occurs to me I didn’t say anything about getting it in the first place.

So, this week, I thought I would force some unsolicited advice on you about the job search and, most importantly, about the interview process itself.

Hopefully you have a well-rounded resum‚, but if you don’t, start rounding it out now with big, fat lies. Remember, most American human resource departments are filled with Americans. Americans who are about as interested in checking out your resum‚ as you were in doing the activities necessary to make it good in the first place.

Don’t make it anything which would be EASY to confirm, though. Don’t lie about your grade point average or say you were the president of the GSB — but you could always say that you were the president of the Scandahoovian Icefishing Club or the recording secretary of the Sons of the Plains Multi-Media Club.

Not all clubs are sanctioned and funded by the university. Who is to say that you and your buddies getting together to study, watch T.V. or look for naked pictures of Alyssa Milano on the Internet isn’t a club? Most clubs on campus don’t do jack anyway.

Besides arranging one field trip to see Justice Harry Blackman in Des Moines, all the political science club did when I was a member was to get torn up every Friday after class, and we paid for that out of our own pocket (though I am sure they do more than that now).

The mind is a complex organ, and if you tell yourself the same lie often enough, soon you will believe it so thoroughly that even YOU won’t believe it was anything but real.

Now, in the interview, you have to realize that 90 percent of what they are looking for is physical appeal.

If you aren’t at least passably attractive, then you’d better be able to pull a rabbit out of the hat on the miniature psych test they give you.

These interviews are actually designed by people who like to believe that you can tell a great deal about an individual’s nature in a 20- minute interview if you just ask the right question. DON’T BE THROWN! Go in with the right attitude.

Pretend you have already lost the job. An interviewer is looking to see if you can think on your feet. As if knowing exactly what kind of a tree you would be if you could BE a tree makes you the uber-employee.

Just like hunting for replicants, response time is a major factor. Interviewers believe that if you answer fast, you are smart. Because we all know that only fools take time to formulate thoughtful responses to personal questions like “how do you define teamwork?” or “what would you say is your worst quality?”

Whatever you do, don’t be honest. If you are humble by nature, get over it. Brag about yourself like there is no tomorrow. Your worst trait is that you are a workaholic or that you are often too eager to give away the credit for your own ideas.

If they ask about your personal ambition, tell them you want to work yourself mercilessly to be the best YOU that you can be. And even though they hate Communists, they love to hear that you are interested in following the company line like Joseph Stalin himself were the president and CEO.

A good interview tactic to take is to pretend the job has already been given to someone else. You have to not care TOO much. This way you won’t be nervous.

Getting liquored up beforehand isn’t too bad of an idea either. Stick to the odorless, though. Vodka is the clear liquid Valium of the work world, and many of you will come to depend on it to get through your day long after the interview as well. Be careful.

If the interviewer ever asks you what you do to relieve stress, don’t laugh because that will be a sure sign that you have a dirty mind. Tell them you exercise no matter what you look like.

Think healthy in that sort of German propaganda film way. Strapping, huge blond women doing stretches in fields of flowers while der Fuehrer smiles proudly. Most modern corporations are run like the Third Reich anyway, so don’t feel guilty about lying to these people. Who the hell are they to judge you anyway?

Never tell an interviewer that you like to do anything normal — like read — because then you will be TOO smart in the bad way. The bad way is if you have ideas about fair work practices and labor laws.

If your degree is in English, tell them your emphasis was in communication. That is the corporate codeword for “technically trained but possessing no ideas which might be found in literature like communism, socialism or the 40-hour work week.”

Dress smart, wear the best shoes you can afford, try not to fart nervously until after the interview and you should do well enough. Bon chance!

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Greg Jerrett is a graduate student from Council Bluffs (you gotta problem with that?). He is opinion editor of the Daily.