What makes singers sexy?
November 16, 1998
I have been Scarletized. The eyes of My Scarlet Life soprano Julie Schreiber have been laid upon me.
As I stood at The M-Shop Saturday night, mesmerized by the ravishing frontwoman of the trip-hop quintet, I pondered the question of what makes singers so sexy.
Jem was the first singer I found sexy.
Her cartoon was right before G.I. Joe, and I remember thinking she was truly, truly, truly amazing.
Stevie Nicks was the first real life singer I found sexy.
My dad had a Fleetwood Mac concert video and I can remember watching her adorn the stage like she was a goddess in rock ‘n’ roll heaven.
Her majestic, blonde hair curtained her microphone as she clutched onto it with more passion than I had ever seen in a performer. Watching her on that video was a high point of my childhood.
The next woman I thought was sexy was Tiffany.
I can remember staring at her lips on my tape cover and singing, “I think we’re alone now.”
Pretty pathetic, I know.
There was just something about her — something about all of those late ’80s teeny bop singers I found sexy.
Debbie Gibson, Belinda Carlisle … you name her, she graced my locker at one point or another.
With the exception of Elisabeth Shue, I was never into actresses as a youth. Singers were sexy then and singers are sexy now.
On Saturday, with My Scarlet Life playing the soundtrack to my wildest dream as background music, I came up with some answers to what makes singers sexy.
Most importantly, singers love what they do.
When I saw Fleetwood Mac perform a year ago, Stevie Nicks wasn’t sexy anymore. She still had her hair and soft face, but she didn’t have the passion.
Ironically, it was the fortysomething Christine McVie who looked sexy. She loved being on stage and putting her voice to music, and she looked sexy doing it.
This explains the actress thing.
Sure, Jennifer Aniston probably enjoys slipping on a few boob-huggers and drinking coffee every week for millions of dollars, but we don’t know for sure because she is always acting.
We never get to see the real thing.
Musicians are also sexy, to me anyway, because I can picture myself sitting at a luxurious dinner with them, discussing why “Come As You Are” was actually a better song than “Smells Like Teen Spirit.”
This explains my obsession with Serena Altshul, the MTV News anchorwoman with shorter hair than me.
Sure, it might be hard to glance at her and not picture my brother, but hair is arbitrary on a girl who knows the difference between the Space Monkeys and Sprung Monkey.
Musicians are also sexy because they can wear anything and pull it off.
Sister Soleil singer Stella Katsoudas (say that five times) played at People’s a few weeks ago with her face painted white.
Sure, she would have fit in better at clown school, but when she stepped up on stage, she was mad sexy. More sexy than Tiffany.
Even My Scarlet Crush was looking a little funky. One of those shiny black Victoria’s Secret bras never looked so good covered in a fishing net.
Finally, singers are sexy because singing is the ultimate comforting tool.
When you were a kid, your mom didn’t put you to bed by acting or modeling (at least my mom didn’t). She sung you a lullaby.
From before we were old enough to know what sexy was, our bodies were attracted to singing.
Sure, it sounds preposterous, but how else do you explain an obsession with Tiffany?
Corey Moss is a senior in journalism and mass communication from Urbandale.