They will fool you if you let them

David Roepke

I don’t like being called stupid. There’s plenty of other insults you can sling my way, and I will not be affected — but stupid is not one of them.

Call me lazy, call me ugly, call me fat, call me arrogant, call me mean or even call me flat-out boring, but don’t call me stupid. I may do a lot of things wrong, but there’s no changing that I, as well as at least a large handful of people on this campus, was born with a relatively high intelligence.

That’s why I get pretty pissed when society insults that intelligence. It’s not the same as someone confronting you about your lack of brains, but it’s degrading none the less.

I’m sure you know what types of things I’m talking about. I am subjected to one every day when I see a Domino’s Pizza advertisement. Almost every day, this pizza chain will have a large multi-color ad proclaiming its “deal” for the day.

Usually, it’s something like three medium one-topping pizzas for $9.99 or two large one-topping pizzas for the same price.

And on a rare occasion, these ads will feature a deal involving its revolting twisty bread.

Hey Domino’s! Those aren’t deals, and I freaking know it! Stop trying to fool the campus into thinking that every day you give us a cut rate on pizza because you care for people and have a keen business sense.

Anybody who regularly orders pizza knows that those are your regular prices when school is in session. To pretend that they are deals and even put single-day expiration dates on the ads is a sham, and you know it!

Your direct competitor, Home Team, follows the same pattern. It publishes an ad in the Daily nearly every day and includes a “deal” within the ad. Except from time to time it actually slips a real one in there.

Tuesday it had its deliciously cheap four-topping large for $4.44 deal. Now that’s a special I can respect!

Another thing that really gets under my skin around this time of year is the electoral college. I know, it’s a mid-term election, but I still can’t help but think of this moronic protection of the president of America from its citizens.

For those of you who don’t understand the electoral college, here’s a brief rundown. When we vote for president every four years, they don’t just count our votes and the man with the most wins.

Instead, every state gets a sum of votes depending how many movies get shot there per year. This is why you’ll see Al Gore zipping his private jet through California and New York a lot in the next two years, but he probably won’t see too much of Idaho except out the window of the plane.

Every state has so many votes, and people are put in charge of these votes, and — believe it or not — these people are not you. They’re members of Congress.

The voting that we regular jackasses do at the polls simply suggests to these esteemed individuals who they should cast their votes for.

Let’s say Iowa votes 9-1 to elect ex-professional wrestler Jesse “The Body” Ventura for president on the Reform Party ticket. Ventura would have to give up his leadership in Minnesota.

Then our Congressmen could just say, “Screw you, I don’t care if he says he’s going to be Jesse “The Mind” Ventura, we want to vote for George W. Bush or possibly the ghost of Nixon,” and there’s not a damn thing we could do about it.

In the beginning, back when a sex scandal meant showing off your ankles, the nation was pretty dumb. Philadelphia was a long way away, and information didn’t travel with break-neck speed. In those days, the electoral college was a good idea. I think it is an idea that’s run its course.

While we’re on the topic of ideas that have run their course and insult my intelligence, how about dead week? During dead week, supposedly we’re not supposed to do anything fun, speak above a whisper or eat fried or fatty foods. Why? Because the next week is (drum roll, please) Finals Week.

People who are going to study during the week before finals are the same boring, anal retentive, curve-wrecking GPA hounds who don’t actually need to study anyway because they’ve already got an A in the class, and they’re not 350 pages behind in their reading like the rest of us.

So Dead Week serves no purpose. People who need it would never use it because they’re too busy having a ball.

People who don’t need it, like the guys who sit in the front row of my Physics 221 lecture, are the only ones who will capitalize on the week of silence.

I guess you just have to take a little closer look at things. Don’t let yourself be fooled into thinking just because you’re on a college campus or live in a democracy that everyone respects your intelligence as an American.

Next time somebody tells you about Domino’s great specials, spit in their eye, stomp on their foot and tell them not to vote for Jesse Ventura ever again.


David Roepke is a sophomore in journalism and mass communication from Aurora.