Looking at the results of Tuesday’s election, one could draw the conclusion that being a pro-wrestler is all you need to stage a victorious election campaign.

We’d need some more evidence before electing “Hacksaw” Jim Dugan as the next governor of a backwater hick state like Alabama or Kentucky.

Despite all the tripe you hear about how the issues should mean something to you, you and I both know what’s really important: charisma.

Jesse “The Body” Ventura didn’t win on the strength of his platform, which included such charming planks like legalized prostitution.

“The Body” won because he had charisma that his opponents lacked.

Without a minute amount of charm, a candidate cannot hope to win, no matter how strong his credentials. Dole proved that with his stiff, wooden composure.

This time, charisma won.

Can you sit there and tell me you wouldn’t vote for a candidate who, when asked how he’d deal with stubborn legislators, flexed his enormous biceps for the camera?

There were quite a few rumors floating around saying that Jesse Ventura will be the Reform Party’s candidate for president in 2000. Now that he will have some experience under his belt as governor of Minnesota, he’ll be set for the presidency.

Clinton had only been the governor of Arkansas before becoming president, and we all know that Minnesota is much more prestigious. At least we’ll know Jesse didn’t sleep with his sister. Or secretary.

You would have thought that after the era of Ronald Reagan, the Republicans would have learned their lesson and ran a candidate with some charisma and personality instead of a dignified look and an Ivy League brain. As Reagan clearly showed, brains are not what really matters to the American people.

Reagan surrounded himself with smart people and did his best to look good for the camera and keep the people happy. And we loved him for it.

So what lessons can the Republicans take from this round of elections? How about that they’re screwed?

You see, my magic eight-ball predicts that unless the economy gets hosed by a world-wide recession, Al Gore will ride the coattails of his boss to a term or two in the White House.

Americans don’t care about scandals. We care about issues, and we want to like the candidates. With the economy humming along and no disastrous wars on the horizon, the only thing that matters is charisma. And no current Republican candidate has any charisma.

So what are they to do?

It should be fairly obvious to anyone with more than a peanut for a brain that the Republican party needs to find a candidate for president who inspires pride in the people and fear in our enemies. He also needs to look good in front of the camera, and this means acting experience.

More importantly, he needs to be able to beat “The Body.” So he has to be a better actor and appeal to a wider range of the American population and not be a wimp. That rules out most politicians and Hollywood actors.

Still, there is a way.

While others knew Jesse from his professional wrestling days, I remembered him from such fine feature films as “Predator” and “The Running Man.” In those movies, he was only a co-star, while the real star was Arnold Schwarzenegger.

That’s it!

Sure, there are problems with Arnold not being a U.S. born citizen, but all we’d need is a quick amendment to the U.S. Constitution to change that. In a flash, the Republicans could have the most popular candidate since Reagan; and since he’s been a Republican for a long time, we know what we’d be getting ourselves into.

Just think of the possibilities! No more waffling over Saddam and his weapons of mass destruction. Instead, it’d be “Hasta la vista, Saddam.”

Trouble in Kosovo? He’d send in the troops and tell ’em to “kick ass!”

Even Middle East peace negotiations would be carried out in good faith, under the threat of severe bodily harm.

The most sure-fire way to win an election is to run a candidate who has mass appeal and who the people love, since aristocratic elites and tree-hugging hippies make up only five percent of the voting population.

People want to be inspired by their candidate, and Arnold can easily do that. The question then is whether the Republicans are wise enough to see the light.

After all, who else could beat “The Body” in a presidential debate?

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Aaron Woell is a junior in political science from Bolingbrook, Ill.