Well, the elections are over, and I for one am pretty happy. I won’t be the next time I get fined $500 for disturbing the peace or getting drunk and disorderly, but that is just the high price of living in the greatest democracy the world has ever seen … with the possible exception of Canada. Or Australia. Or New Zealand. Or Norway, Belgium, France, Great Britain, the Netherlands, Sweden, Switzerland, Finland, Luxembourg, Germany or Austria. Or Iceland.

Personally, I am glad that most of this campus chose not to vote. It is good that you know your limitations; that takes guts.

There is nothing more pathetic than watching some dumb-ass who doesn’t have a clue try to take part in the process that should keep scum out of public office.

Look what happened when idiots showed up in record numbers to vote in Minnesota.

I am sure that if someone suitably ridiculous runs for governor of Iowa, the masses will make their votes count.

Maybe we could get a cow or a comic book character elected next time. I would vote for Batman in a heartbeat.

The only thing more tiresome than listening to people whine about why no one voted is listening to the plethora of lame excuses apathetic morons come up with.

“It doesn’t matter; they’re all crooks anyway.” That is a brilliant one, Cletus. Never has anyone with such a prominently slack-jawed expression taken such an intelligent political stance with such aplomb and acid wit.

Politicians get away with murder because no one cares enough to vote them out of office in the first place.

In spite of how superior it makes us feel to believe that all of our leaders are crooks, the truth is that on the local level they are mostly decent people who care about their communities and want to make positive changes.

They just disagree with their opponents on what a positive change is, and that is why WE need to choose FOR them.

If you hate politicians so much, then vote third party. Because THAT scares politicians more than a hooker with a video camera.

“I just don’t care.” My personal favorite. Next to defending your ignorance, defending your apathy is one of the most asinine things you can say out loud, next to “I hope this is the episode where Greg and Marcia do it.”

These days, enough people believe this load of crap to make it sound almost legitimate.

“I just don’t care who wins the Superbowl.” “I just don’t care if every character on ‘Party of Five’ gets laid or drops dead of cholera.” These things don’t affect my life.

Who gets to lord power over us all should matter enough to elicit your concern if you have two brain cells to rub together.

“I don’t know anything about the candidates.” Even couch potatoes see enough commercials to know the names of the candidates.

Recently, I discovered there are these things with information in them that tell you who is running and what their position is on various issues. It actually comes attached to those pages before the sports section, and it is called a NEWSPAPER.

Sometimes they are provided free of charge in restaurants, barber shops, doctor’s offices and bars. Libraries sometimes carry more than one.

“I don’t have time to vote.” Most people are very busy, that’s true. They aren’t busy protecting democracy, but TV takes up a lot of time. I didn’t vote “straight party,” and it still took me almost two minutes to fill in all the little circles thoroughly enough to make sure my opinion was counted.

I was so hopped up on public-spiritedness that I gave blood just to keep my rush going. I swear to God if Habitat for Humanity had been on campus, I would have put up a Spanish-style ranch house just for the hell of it and STILL made it to work on time.

You don’t have enough time? Skip lunch. There are people who risk their lives to vote in countries where electricity and indoor toilets are luxury items and will be after the election is over.

Some people on this planet would walk 10 miles to the polls through jungle or tundra because they know what’s really important in life — and it doesn’t have hops in it.

If you use one of these excuses to express how futile voting is, then not only should you NOT vote, you should NOT breed.

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Greg Jerrett is a graduate student in English from Council Bluffs. He is opinion editor of the Daily.