I’m convinced that musicians are the greatest sexual creatures on the planet.

They must be. How often do you see an established musician with a homely husband or wife? Never.

Look at Tommy Lee from Motley Crue. He’s not a shockingly attractive man, but his two previous wives, Pamela Anderson and Heather Locklear, are strait pudding.

Then there is Gavin Rossdale of Bush. This little puke has been blessed by God and given the gift of Gwen Stefani.

Even Axl Rose once married a supermodel.

The list goes on and on.

Is it because these musicians are such incredibly intellectual people? Are their minds and characters so attractive that even women of celebrity status cannot deny them? I doubt it.

So it all comes down to one thing — sex.

Sex is the process that makes the world go ’round, and musicians are the spokes in the wheel, baby.

And in this week’s verbal whiplash, Mr. Sensitive, who also happens to be a musician, will give you first-hand knowledge of the top five reasons why musicians bring joy in the bedroom.

No. 5: Honesty. When your whole life revolves around expressing your true feelings through words, verbal communication in the bedroom is not a problem. True musicians don’t get embarrassed. They will say whatever they want to say.

It’s a proven fact that communication improves sexual encounters. For instance, if I told whatever woman I was with to slap me on the ass and call me a pig, she would dig it. Can it be explained any better than that? I don’t think so.

No. 4: Fitness. Signed musicians travel an average of 320 days out of the year, performing two-hour sets a night. Quite often, these sets are high-energy performances, basically giving the musicians a two-hour aerobic workout. Once again, let myself be a prime example of the splendor that is the musician’s body.

Well, maybe not me. I have a drinking problem which causes me to have an enlarged stomach. I also do way too many drugs. But that’s not my point. My point is that most musicians are in shape, just not me.

No. 3: Creativity. Musicians spend most of their lives creating an art to express their intellectual views. This also passes over into the bedroom. A musician’s mind is never satisfied with what he currently has, leading to exploration of the body.

A prime example is Prince writing a song about 22 positions in a one night stand.

Creativity is God. Remember that.

No. 2: Loyalty. I’m not going to pretend that musicians are sexually loyal, but mentally they are. Although many musicians sell out to make money, they are still true to their love of music.

This way of thinking passes over into their relationships. Musicians always have lots of sex because they can. But once a musician has his heart captured by another woman or man, they have his or her heart forever.

An example would be how I cheat on my fianc‚ nonstop. All I do is cheat, drink, crap and cheat some more. But it has nothing to do with my love for her. I’ll always love her. But I’ll knock the boots right off some unsuspecting honey. Do you see the connection? I’ll give up a few moral values for reward but will always remain bonded to the true cause.

No. 1: Musicians are themselves. Nothing is more attractive than someone who is confident and proud of whom they are. With confidence comes power. This power comes alive in the sack. The whole “I’m in control” attitude is the bomb.

For example, Big Punisher is the fattest rapper in history. He is an ugly man, but he has style, confidence and skills. That’s why he’s the bomb.

Courtney Love is the same way. She is a gutter whore, but she is proud. She doesn’t care what people think because she likes herself. I give props to Love because she is honest with herself. Well, and she has a stout rack.

I wonder who would pull the leash in a Big Pun/Courtney Love sexcapade? Think about that one today. Much love for ya all.

We’ll talk later.

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Chad Calek is a senior in journalism and mass communication from Persia.