The scene is intense. Magnus is a good dozen points away from Jon Pall heading into the final event — the keg toss.

It’s “World’s Strongest Man.”

It’s classic drunk TV — shows that suck when you’re sober, but rule when you’re rocked.

Anyone who has ever stumbled home at 2 a.m. and plopped down in front of the boob-tube knows the name Magnus.

When he bends over to pick up that car … damn, what a rush.

And how about that thing where they have two fat guys hang from a pole and see who can hold on longer. Now that’s entertainment.

Ever get a friend and play along, only instead of holding onto a pole, you chug a beer? Good fun … as long as your friend doesn’t look like Magnus.

There’s other good drunk TV besides “World’s Strongest Man.”

Next to Magnus and Mr. Morgan on the list of every drunk man’s heroes is — of course — Steve Irwin, better known as “The Crocodile Hunter.”

Big Steve deserves the official title of “The Man.” And that’s based solely on the way he talks. Throw in a few crocodile traps here and there and we’re looking at a modern-day Jesus.

Nothing captures the spirit of an after-hours more than Steve saying “In this country, if you make a mistake, you’re dead.”

And not since “You Can’t Do That On Television” have we heard the word “whammo” used so elegantly.

If you’re really rocked, watch closely and you’ll notice the “Hunter” checking out his partner Terri’s behind. “Croc bait,” Steve will say at just the right moment.

Speaking of yummy, “Dinner and a Movie” also makes for some good intoxicated recreation.

Our friends Annabelle and Paul are far from heroes, but they make for some good laughs if you’re in the mood to poke fun.

If you’re really rocked, watch how obvious Paul is with his cheesy lines on that chick. “We’ll need to add some honey, honey,” he’ll say nonchalantly, like the Mack Daddy he is.

To truly capture the drunken element of “Dinner and a Movie,” you have to cook along with them. For fun, replace a few ingredients with alcohol.

For example, when Annabelle says “pour some flour into a bowl,” pour some Captain. For milk, use Bailey’s.

By this point, you should be wasted enough to comfortably handle watching the “premium” channels in a room full of friends.

If you can’t afford Skinemax, HBHO or Showtits, USA and that guy with the annoying voice usually show some decent soft porn on weekends.

If that’s not your thing, there are always infomercials to provide some quality merriment. The secret to enjoying the infomercials is simple: order stuff.

That way, you get double the pleasure. You’ll laugh hysterically when you order it, and you’ll laugh just as much when it arrives.

Psychic hotlines are also good. Do you think these things were invented for sober people? If they were, why would they advertise at 2 a.m. on weekends?

They want you to call up sloshed and tell them how depressed you are because the chick with the little backpack purse thing wouldn’t even look at you.

Which is the exact reason why you call and act as sober as possible. Dionne Warwick won’t know what to do and you’ll get a huge rush, sort of like trying to pretend you’re sober talking to a cop.

Tell her you’re depressed because all of your friends have their eyes glued to “World’s Strongest Man,” and you think the show is stupid and you can’t figure out why.

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Corey Moss is a senior in journalism and mass communication from Urbandale.