I admit it. I don’t read the newspaper everyday. I don’t watch television news nightly. And I don’t make a point of reading Newsweek in the doctor’s office, particularly when an old copy of People or Entertainment Weekly is available. But, like every other American, I have an opinion about how my government is run. The $520 billion budget package, for example, is a perfect example of all that has gone wrong with the democratic process.

In case you’ve been in seclusion, the Senate has finally passed a budget. Maybe now we can move on to other issues of importance? No. Now we have to listen to our elected leaders whine.

The biggest complaint seems to be the length (4,000 pages or 40 pounds or 16 inches, depending on who has the mike). Next year, when the budget comes under criticism, these same 65 members of the Senate who voted for the bill will be ready to say, “Remember? I said back in October that it was a bad bill!”

Why did they vote for it? Because it was time to get back home to start campaigning for the Nov. 3 election. Okay, 4,000 pages is a lot of reading, but isn’t that what we elected our representatives to do? Read the fine print, know the issues and make sure that your vote reflects your constituents’ wishes. Uninformed, little quasi-citizen that I am, I would never sign a contract without reading the fine print, educating myself on the topic and considering the effects of the contract on my family.

But no, these guys are more concerned with politicking and preserving their positions of grand authority than they are with the issues. They wasted months playing partisan politics, not to mention wining and dining their own special-interests groups. They made public appearances at parades and ribbon-cuttings, disaster areas and every other television-covered gathering that might add to their image in the next campaign. And that doesn’t include the time they spent reading the Starr report.

Don’t tell me they didn’t have time to read the bill. They didn’t make time.

One AP story quoted Representative David McIntosh (R-Ind.) as saying something you’d expect some sniveling kid who didn’t win the spelling bee to say: “Send us more conservatives, send us more Republicans, and next year we won’t have to go through this process.” Sour grapes, bud. You’re just mad that Clinton got as much done under the worst of circumstances as he did.

AP correspondent Walter R. Mears reported that while the budget was not handled the way it should have been, it’s nothing new. Apparently, there is a pattern of last-minute wheeling and dealing once the due dates for the spending bills have come and gone. Senator Patrick Moynihan (D-N.Y.) called it a “kind of a bastard parliamentary system,” but I call it human nature: If you waste time partying when you should be studying, you’ll end up cutting corners at the end.

The bill does make interesting reading. For example, $9 billion was been set aside for emergency defense spending. That’s important. More firepower for little boys who shoot first and ask questions later. Another $21 billion was earmarked for better security at U.S. embassies, plus other security measures. (Isn’t that the same as defense?)

A whopping $208 billion was allotted to emergencies including the Y2K problem with the federal government’s computers. Talk about planned obsolescence.

They addressed the issue, but social security is still not secure. Then again, that’s only a problem for middle-class Americans who will need it. You know, the ones who work, pay taxes, elect these bozos to represent us.

Then there are the other important issues of the budget: $507,000 to fix Thomas Edison’s house while homeless people face another winter in cardboard boxes.

Only $250,000 was allocated to caffeine gum research, but $300,000 will help preserve American heritage overseas. Maybe they’ll renovate the Paris hotel where Thomas Jefferson had a liaison with his slave.

OK, there were some good points in the budget. Student loan interest rates will be lower than they have been since 1980, and 100,000 elementary education majors will have a better chance of getting a job. Thank God parents aren’t doing their job raising their children because otherwise many of us would be unemployed. But at least it will be cheaper to stay in college until something opens up.

Before ending the last day, the Senate asked Clinton to take time out of his busy schedule of running the country (and defending himself) to honor Teddy Roosevelt for leading the Roughriders.

He’s been dead almost 80 years, but maybe doing so will remind our elected officials what “public servant” really means.

Meanwhile, Monica may have a $3 million book deal. She’ll finally have a chance to tell her side of the story. I know I can hardly wait.

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Kata Alvidrez is a graduate student in English from Los Angeles, Calif.