Editor’s note: The following is a continuing journal of a fictional college student. It is intended to be a humorous and enjoyable feature about an average Joe. It runs weekly, on Fridays. Though written by Iowa State’s own Scott Jacobson, a Daily staff writer, people, places and events detailed below are not analogous to a real student.

October 30, 1998

So there I was, walking across campus, hanging my head in shame after getting blindsided by the last of my midterms when I ran into this cutie in front of the library.

I mean I literally ran into her.

Knocked her walkman out of her hand, sent her bookbag off her shoulder and scattered some papers she was looking at.

Then it happened, just like in the movies.

I leaned down, apologizing the whole time, to help her pick up her stuff when I got a good look at her and recognized her instantly.

“Chelli?”

Her eyes lit up. “Hey! I haven’t seen you forever! What have you been up to? God, how long has it been?”

Well, I thought, it’s been a little under two years since the Chelli saga began, dragged on and ended.

If I remember right, which I probably don’t, it went a little like this:

We met. We connected. I called. I left a message. She didn’t call back. We hooked up again. She said she never got the message. She told me to call. I did. I left a message. She didn’t call back. I left seven more messages. I plotted to kill her roommate. I saw her with her boyfriend. I wanted to play in traffic.

I just shrugged my shoulders and said, “Too long.”

“I was just thinking about you the other day,” she said.

“Really? Why’s that?” She’s messing with my head. She’s evil. She’s woman. Don’t go into the light.

“Yeah, you went on a date with my roommate a couple weeks ago. She said it was a pretty good time. But she was worried because you hadn’t called. I told her that was your style.”

My style? I don’t have a style. I’m not a player. I just don’t know her name.

“Oh, I know,” I said. “I wasn’t sure if she wanted me to call her or not. You know how it is.” Subtle jab.

“Well, if she told you to call her, you should call her.” My jab was too subtle. “She’s been talking about you for two weeks. She said she saw you this weekend.”

Ahh yes, our pseudo-date. She was surrounded by friends, and I was surrounded by friends. My friends are bastards, and her friends were drunk. Not exactly the best setting for a date.

“Yeah, that was pretty fun. Didn’t get to talk to her much, though.”

“That’s why you should call her up and ask her out when it’s just the two of you. You know, do something romantic.”

Blah blah blah romance. At this point, knowing her name would be romantic. I figure that’s always a good starting point for conversation.

“Anyway, enough about that,” I said. Somehow, I’ve gotta get Chelli to unveil my mystery date’s identity without realizing it.

“So,” I continued, “Who all are you living with right now?”

“It’s just the two of us.”

“Oh.” Damnit. “How long have you two lived together?”

“Ever since we came to school. I moved out for a while, but she let me move back in. She’s such a sweetie, you know.”

“Do I ever.” This sucks. I’m getting desperate. “OK, this is going to sound completely idiotic, but … I’m not even sure how you spell her name. I know, I know. I’m an idiot.”

“Oh, come on. You’re not an idiot. A lot of people misspell it. It’s with an ‘i’ at the end — just like it sounds.”

Screw it.

“OK, well I gotta head,” I said. “I’ll give you guys a call. Oh wait, I think I misplaced the napkin that she wrote your number down on. What’s the number under in the book?” It was a stretch, but it was my only hope.

“We’re unlisted,” she replied as she pulled out a piece of paper on which to jot down her digits. “Give us a call.”

She strolled away into the sunset, and I realized that my life is way too complex.

I’m in like with a girl that I can’t call by name. I just had a blast from the past that has me wishing Chelli hadn’t walked away. The roommate I wanted to strangle last year is the same one that I now want to date. And to make things worse, I don’t have a costume for tomorrow night.

Where’s some traffic when you really need it?