I was raised understanding that showing a woman respect will reciprocate the same respect. By utilizing simple etiquette, a gentleman can make it obvious to a woman that he is respecting and honoring her on a level playing field.

By simple expressions of etiquette — I mean opening doors for her, pulling out her chair when she sits down or making sure that she has been served before he begins eating. Heck, I’ve even been known to stand when a women enters the room.

However, I missed somewhere in my etiquette education the rule that says: As a man, it is my obligation and duty to supply beer or alcohol to all the women that enter my humble abode.

For all those people who do not drink, and because there are so many of you (sarcasm), let me bring you up to speed on a long-standing tradition at ISU. Men always buy the booze, and women always drink it.

Think back to the last time you saw a girl bring a six-pack to a fraternity party, or just try and remember when a bunch of girls have ever thrown an all-you-can drink keg party. More than likely, you cannot remember any such off-the-wall and crazy thing ever happening. If it has happened, count yourself very lucky; but I would still question that you only had a really cool and progressive dream.

You see, it has become the norm that men are to supply alcohol to women all of the time.

I understand it is a man’s obligation to supply beverages if you have invited that cute little number from your math class over for a couple of drinks. Or that you should keep a couple cold and frosties in the fridge in the rare occurrence that your ex-girlfriend stops by to discuss why you two should reconsider your relationship.

But for guys to have to supply all women all the time is a little bit much to ask.

Is it possible that the work and dedication of so many of our fore-mothers has not hit home to so many Cyclone women? These women fought for the right of all women to vote, to earn degrees and to earn the same wages for the same work. But does that not permit you to provide the beverages at least some of the time?

It seems like such a minor and unimportant issue. But it is high time that women put back on men what they have been sticking to women for centuries.

I want to suffer a hangover induced by really cheap beer (Stroph’s or Beast Light) that my female friends have provided in mass quantities, in a chilling beer bath. Heck, I would be content with a couple glasses of vodka-spiked jungle juice ritually provided at most parties for those non-beer drinking (sacrilege) women.

In all honesty, it is not that we men are cheap or just too poor as students to supply you all with booze. The problem is that we are tired, and honestly, scared of the liability that comes hand in hand with supplying you all booze.

If girls threw the parties, they would also much better understand what we, the men, are talking about. After spending all our hard-earned money on beer (yes, selling plasma for beer money is a profession to many), we men get the joy of cleaning up our destroyed houses or apartments. But aside from that minor inconvenience, the biggest aggravation is having to throw out so many bitch-beers.

For all of those non-drinkers or non-party throwers, a “bitch-beer” is a beer that has only been partially drunk. More that likely, this perfectly good beverage has been disregarded for one of three reasons: It got warm from being held too long, she had to go to the bathroom with her 20 other girlfriends, or because she decided to go to another party and waste someone else’s beer.

A couple of weeks ago, the Keg shop, understanding the plight of men on this campus, had a special on smaller bottles of beer. For so many men this was a temporary relief to the bitch-beer problem that has been plaguing us all.

But really, women, it is high time that you pull off the aprons and start throwing the sweet elixir in our direction.

This weekend, when you are getting ready to visit your favorite bunch of guys, stop by the Keg Shop or Osco Drugs and pick up a case. Don’t limit it to a six-pack of the light stuff that you like, but purchase a full case of something strong to thank all your male companions who have made your college career so fuzzy and inebriated.

Next week maybe we can work on girls asking guys out on dates and making the first move (hint, hint). But I don’t want to swamp you with too much ’90s education all at once.

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Marty Forth is a senior in journalism and mass communication from Waterdown, Ontario.