Sleep when you’re dead, just nap for now

Jen Hirt

Van Gogh saw the beauty of a good nap. He painted “Afternoon Siesta” adding to the artistic romance of snoozing midday. He saw those workers drifting off to dream land against a pile of golden hay, and fine art was born.

But maybe if dear Vincent had taken more naps, instead of painting them, he wouldn’t have sliced off his ear. And maybe he wouldn’t have filled another tortured artist image, and maybe he would have given modern poster vendors more goods to peddle.

Thanks to the Industrial Revolution, naps have had a bad rap. Ever since that lauded turning point in history, we (specifically Americans) have invested too much in the following foolhardy logic: If Dick and Jane are napping, they must be tired, and therefore unproductive, hence they are un-American, so they must be beaten.

The thing is, naps rock. They are absolutely essential, whether they occur in your crack-of-the-dawn history class, the drudging hours of an afternoon lecture, a sunbeam in the library or on a street corner under a Gateway Computer box.

They are even cheaper than caffeine. Healthier, too, though not as tasty in a can of pop.

According to the Mayo Clinic, it is absolutely natural for all humans, from Ames to Argentina, to want to nap between 1 p.m. and 4 p.m. It has something to do with body temperature dropping a few degrees, thus inducing the heavy eyelids, the drifting focus, the yawns, and finally pure, unadulterated, glorious sleep.

Other cultures have made this knowledge a lifestyle. Take the famed Mexican siesta or England’s pubs politely closing their doors between lunch and supper.

But not in America. We are always open, we are neon, we are buzzing every second of every precious minute. It’s a fact that people ingrained in long, demanding workdays (say, for instance, college students) get less sleep and more stress.

Simply put, we are tired.

A 30-minute nap is ideal. Anymore, warn doctors, and all the bad things in the world will happen to you. You’ll wake up feeling worse, you’ll never fall asleep come bedtime and if you do sleep, you’ll dream of Van Gogh’s disembodied ear slurping across your belly while Mr. Sandman sprinkles fallout dust on your tongue.

Long naps play nasty games with your circadian rhythms, those necessary internal clocks. Messing with the little timekeeper in your soul leads to the last thing a stressed student needs: procrastination.

Thirty minutes is the magic number. Even 15 minutes can lead to, as the Mayo Clinic puts it, “deep, physically invigorating sleep.” Don’t we all want that? Doesn’t it sound heavenly?

Anyone wanting to master the nap can try an early morning snooze, said to inspire REM sleep more quickly. And you can be clever and listen to R.E.M. while you’re at it.

Or if 1-4 p.m. doesn’t fit your schedule, it’s recommended you settle for your nap about eight hours before bedtime.

Einstein, Napoleon and JFK were all dedicated nappers. Imagine what hamster wheel we’d be running on if those three hadn’t taken a daily jaunt through Sleepy Town.

A nap doesn’t have to be a full-scale production. There’s no need to disrobe and crawl into bed, draw the shades and call it a day. Some people sleep in chairs, with their feet propped up (walk through the library any given afternoon). Others crash on the grass, against trees or on a bench. Couches are always a wise choice, since you have all the options of sitting, reclining or rearranging the cushions into a soundproof barricade.

And, of course, the classroom is the scientifically proven initiator of all great naps. There are times when nothing is as comfortable as a cool, unopened anthology against your cheek. Some students have perfected the technique of appearing wide awake when really they are comatose. It’s something to aspire to.

In the real world, where people go to real jobs and make real money, the nap break is replacing the coffee break. No more 15 minutes spent slurping the next burst of energy. Instead, diligent suits are being advised to close the office door and put their Just For Men Hair Club heads down on the desk.

It’s really no more than what all our moms ever said — “You need a nap.” Sure, we rebelled when we were ten and wanted to stay up late to eat popcorn and watch “Cheers.” But now, well, it seems like fine advice.


Jen Hirt is a graduate student in English from Valley City, Ohio.