The philosophy of the classroom today is the philosophy of the government tomorrow.

— Abraham Lincoln

One of the most famous examples of the sensitivity fad on university campuses is the notorious “water buffalo case.” This bizarre occurrence of academic political correctness happened when administrators at the University of Pennsylvania threatened a student with suspension and mandatory sensitivity-training sessions for speaking his mind.

His crime was opening his dorm window one night while he was trying to study and telling a noisy group of students outside, “be quiet you water buffalo!”

This student was not part of a “protected class,” while the noisy students outside his dorm room were. He was charged with racial insensitivity under the school’s verbal conduct code and threatened with disciplinary action. Only after weeks of hassles and a Supreme Court case argued by University of Pennsylvania professor Allen Kors was this speech-code case won by the student.

In a separate incident, hundreds of copies of a campus newspaper were stolen and destroyed by activists because it contained some conservative material. These activists were not punished in any way. In fact, the only one punished was the campus security officer who pursued the thieves; he received a reprimand. Naturally, this makes perfect sense. After all, the activists belonged to a “protected class.”

When will this protected class and speech-code philosophy of academia become the philosophy of government? Ask Rita Cortese.

Rita Cortese has become the first to be hauled into court under the new Federal Code of Civil Conduct (FCCC). She was arrested in Goodkind’s Groceries in Queens, New York. In its publication Heterodoxy, the Center for the Study of Popular Culture (CSPC) has made public the following story from police reports of the incident.

Witnesses told police that Mrs. Cortese was in the checkout line with her cart when a woman named Gladys Pushin elbowed her way to the front of the line with a few items. Mrs. Cortese didn’t say anything about it until Mrs. Pushin’s husband arrived with a cart of groceries and started passing the items to his wife from behind Rita Cortese.

Mrs. Cortese then told Mrs. Pushin that while she didn’t object to her cutting in front of the line with a couple of items, she wasn’t going to be pushed aside for this whole cart of groceries. Rita Cortese further told her that she was in a hurry to pick up her two children from a neighbor.

Mrs. Pushin then criticized Rita for leaving her children, and went on to say “When I was a young mother, we stayed at home with our children and they didn’t all become drug addicts.”

Rita Cortese responded by raising her voice and saying, “You’re a

meddlesome, obnoxious old woman! Pay for your damned cat food and get out of my way!” At this point a store employee summoned a police officer.

This verbal exchange caused Mrs. Cortese to be charged under the FCCC with two counts of “creating a hostile environment in a public accommodation,” two counts of “elder abuse” and one count of

“compromising the value of a minority-owned property.”

For creating a hostile environment, the maximum penalty Rita Cortese could receive is six years in jail and then two years of weekly sensitivity-training sessions. The elder abuse charge has a maximum penalty of 16 years for each count. Finally, for compromising the value of a minority-owned business, she could get a maximum of an additional 12 years in prison.

The CSPC has reported that Mrs. Cortese turned down a plea bargain that would have dropped that third charge in exchange for a public apology by her and payment towards scholarships for minority children.

If Rita is found to be innocent under the Federal Code of Civil Conduct, then it is still possible she may face an additional charge. Under Section 8 of the Vintage Americans Conservation Act, she could be put on trial for “attempted diminution of self-esteem” against Mrs. Pushin.

Gotcha! The story of Rita Cortese is false. Fictional. Untrue. In the spirit of CNN I have fired my producer over the whole unfortunate incident.

The government hasn’t adopted ALL the multicultural excesses (also known as political correctness) of America’s elite universities quite yet. And with any luck, it will not in the future.

Outside of the Ivy League and the colleges that most vigorously promote multiculturalism, people still vocally support freedom of speech, even (gasp!) non-liberal speech. People in the real world also prefer individual rights to group rights.

America’s elite universities are filled with many brilliant people who have a lot they can teach us. But when it comes to the misguided “sensitivity” of some of their multicultural activists, they have much to learn as well. The government would be wise to let them learn a lot more before adopting their social philosophy.

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Benjamin Studenski is a senior in industrial engineering from Hastings, Minn.