Well, President Clinton finally came clean about Monica Lewinsky, and I would like to say that as one of the few Americans who actually votes, I am no wiser now than I was last Sunday. Not one wit.

No one but Bill’s mother would have believed that he didn’t have an affair, and even she wouldn’t have bought that whole “sexual relations” side-step he tried to pull. Even Mr. Magoo could have seen through that one like it was a wet Kleenex.

He did it, and then he lied about it. And that is exactly what you are supposed to do when you have an affair and get caught.

Those are the rules and everybody knows it, and to a lesser extent, respects that fact. If you do something crappy to your family, you should have the common courtesy to lie your butt off to anyone brazen enough to ask about the sordid details — congressmen or not.

The only truly offensive thing about this entire issue is the way that the conservatives keep trying to convince us all that we’re shocked, when clearly we are not.

Do they honestly think that we have never considered that politicians sleep around and lie about it? What country do they think this is, anyway?

And, of course, they trot out apathy like it was some sort of disease that we have all contracted and not a defense mechanism which they themselves have inspired for decades.

They like us apathetic until they want to us to back them up. What this country is experiencing right now isn’t apathy, it’s acceptance.

Republicans feel that we are all somehow misguided proles. How right they are. For over two centuries, this country has been misguided by professional politicians who have made it their purpose in life to manipulate public opinion to maximize their own short term goals.

From the Whigs to the Bull Moose Party, it is all the same tired claptrap.

It should come as no surprise that we have developed thick skins to protect ourselves and the image that we hold of ourselves as Americans. But still they try to re-invent the wheel every time there is even one iota of political influence to be gained from sordid scandals and private faux pas.

To get his two cents in last Monday night, Orin Hatch was switching networks so fast that he could have gone back in time to take polaroids of the perverse acts of presidential privilege.

Faster than I could change channels, there he was, “just joining us” for a brief rebuttal. This guy is like Barney Fife in serious need of a high colonic. He’s wound tighter than a cheap wristwatch. We should trust this guy to be our nation’s moral watchdog? He looks like he could snap.

All of the previously prepared retorts lasted nearly an hour longer than the president’s address. All of this served to make Clinton look even better to the public than he had four minutes earlier.

The guy knew what he was doing keeping it short and sweet. His approval rating jumped up faster than Woody Allen at a girls school realizing he’s out of lollipops.

But in spite of the overwhelming response from the American public that this farce should end immediately, it is only just getting warmed up.

There is a simple fact that I think we need to accept. Quite often, the kind of men who have what it takes to lead nations ARE NOT SAINTS!

Most of your more sophisticated nations appreciate this. I bet Charles deGaulle had one in every barn, bistro and bordello in France. By most standards, he was a highly effective and popular leader.

Sometimes it takes a real bastard to make the tough choices and get things done. Norman Schwarztkopf described it as a fire in the belly. He declined to run for our nation’s highest office because he didn’t have it. On the plus side, I bet he never screwed around on his wife.

The truth is, that old black magic is in the groin every bit as much as the belly; Stormin’ was just being polite.

You cannot reasonably expect a man to have the kind of passion and desire that it takes to be an effective leader without passion and desire for other things, too. You don’t get one without the other; it’s primal.

Any alpha male gets certain benefits for being the biggest and baddest. Most notably, they get their choice of mates. It’s nature’s way of rewarding us for taking a strong, evolutionary lead. Otherwise, no one would take the job, and we’d all be running around naked trying to steal each other’s bananas.

Sure it would be great to have a leader who can keep it zipped. It just isn’t likely. We don’t need Ken Starr to spend $40 million to prove that the leader of the free world is a philandering hound. We expect it. We may even need it.

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Greg Jerrett is a graduate student in English from Council Bluffs. He is the opinion editor of the Daily