Daily Staff Writer

“Five Easy Pieces”

Five Easy Pieces

For everyone out there who has ever been bored or asleep or have even been involved in anything that took no work to complete, you now know what it is like to listen to an album by Five Easy Pieces.

Five Easy Pieces hails from California, and damn is it painful. Ten songs make up the band’s debut self-titled album, but it seems almost as if it’s one really long song. They all sound archanely alike.

“Losers” starts off with riffs that resemble “Crazy” by Patsy Cline. It’s good that these losers could copy a country song, but the group sounds like a grungy alt-rock singer meshed with a country band.

The song “Losing When I Win” is mundanely slow, and conjures up images of throwing rocks at signposts in Hicktown, U. S. A. The song strolls around with no real direction under its belt (as loose as it is).

All the songs that follow turn out to be amazingly boring like those mentioned, as they mumble along the entire length of the album. It’s kind of like listening to the roots-rock of John Mellencamp, only much worse.

The Five Easy Pieces are made up of vocalist Marc Dauer, keyboardist Jay Schwartz, guitarist Jason Sinay, bassist Greg Hyatt and drummer Matt Luneau.

Without the fifth piece being the keyboard, this band would really suck. The keyboard gives the group a very REM-like sound, but that is the only resemblance.

Unfortunately for this quintet, Five Easy Pieces failed on this debut album. Hopefully the band listens to it and discovers how well it resembles sleeping pills.

1 star out of five

—Kevin Hosbond

“The Closer I Get”

Hayden

There is a new word for “boredom” now. That word is “Hayden.”

Hayden comes to us on the heels of his new album “The Closer I Get.”

The album is a collection of Hayden’s involuntary behavior of moving from one instrument to the next and recording the outcome. Hayden plays everything from the guitar and banjo to the mellotron and saxophone.

The album starts out excruciatingly slow, and doesn’t really get going until the third song “The Hazards Of Sitting Beneath Palm Trees.”

At this point the album finally wakes up, kind of like a fuse that has just run out on a firecracker, and the boring silence becomes a bright distraction.

The song describes a girl attracting guys at the beach like a magnet, and just missing a glimpse of the guy pining for her.

On “Bullet” everything slows down again, ironically. Although that song is boring as well, some snappy harmonica melodies keep the song from dying out completely.

“Two Doors” is about the only tolerable song on the entire record. It’s a song Hayden wrote while staying next door to a beautiful girl in a hotel. Only two doors separated them, but he never took the chance to talk to her.

After that song the rest of the CD becomes a nuisance. It would not be surprising if there were city ordinances banning this “music” from entering their limits.

Hayden has a major writing problem, a condition known as “I suck at writing songs.” None of his music really moves anywhere or has any point.

Some songs are only six lines long, but he manages to drag them out for two minutes or more. “Instrumental With Mellotron” is a two minute mellotron solo that, like the rest of the album, doesn’t have much life either.

It is amazing that this guy was even picked up by a major record label, especially by Outpost Recordings (Veruca Salt, Days Of The New). If too many sleeping pills won’t kill you, this CD will. Maybe Hayden should listen to his own music.

1/2 star out of five

—Kevin Hosbond

“My Early Burglary Years”

Morrissey

I tend to get as maudlin as Morrissey himself when my old icons start to show their age.

But there is still a lot of mileage to be gotten out of this former front man for The Smiths.

“My Early Burglary Years” is a collection of b-sides, artist favorites and live-only songs which have been hand-picked by “the hardest working depressive in show business” himself.

They aren’t what you would call crappy castoffs, and they certainly aren’t “the greatest hits” or “best of” songs.

This album is much more of personal thing for long-time fans. It is a kind of gift from Morrissey to his diehard followers.

Unfortunately, the appeal is rather limited for everyone else. Morrissey and The Smiths have always been an acquired taste from before the term alternative even came into parlance.

When you take the fan-specific morsels and put them in one place, it is enough to make the devoted drool, but the average listener nod off.

For example, during the live track, “Cosmic Dancer,” the audience just goes nuts screaming and, unless you idolize Morrissey, you simply will not get it. Sounds like Godzilla is attacking the audience, while Morrissey drones on his childhood some more.

“Nobody Loves Me” is classic Morrissey with lyrics like “and we just can’t wait to make more mistakes … all in all, imagine this, nobody loves us … call us home, kiss our cheeks, nobody loves us…” Makes you wonder how this guy gets out of bed in the mornings.

And as depressed as he represents himself, he still has a quirky sense of dark humor. In “Pashernate Love,” a silly, bouncy song about the effects love can have on all of us, he tells how even your old grandmother who could “zoom” back from the grave.

Other tracks to note are “Girl Least Likely To,” “Sunny” and “I’ve Changed My Plea To Guilty.”

But as I said, these little gems are for the already initiated — and even some of them might be a little disappointed because this album certainly doesn’t have the kind of tracks that made Morrissey the alternative icon that he certainly is.

3 stars out of five

—Greg Jerrett

“Miles From Our Home”

The Cowboy Junkies

The latest from the Cowboy Junkies, “Miles from Our Home,” didn’t do much for me.

For those hoping for something that would take them back to the glory days of “The Trinity Sessions,” I think those times may be long gone by now.

That is probably the price of coming out of the gate so hot. Even if you were looking for something with a hook like “Common Disaster” from “Lay It Down,” you won’t find it here.

Not that the album is completely without merit. It is a solid effort with some pretty decent tracks. It’s just that “pretty good” or “okay” from this band isn’t good enough.

You get the impression that they just lucked onto something in the early days and have never been able to recapture the same flavor.

And let’s face it, recording in a church is a pretty brilliant move that cannot be easily redone without parodying yourself.

Most of the tracks are decent, but “Someone Out There” is an irreverent little tune about religious conversion and evangelical preachers that has one of the most annoying anti-hooks I have ever heard.

“What I want to know before you save my soul is who gave this power to that fucker up there?” And they really punch “fucker” too. It’s about as compelling as it would be to listen to Karen Carpenter swear on “Solitaire.”

The clash of sweet refrains peppered with vulgarity CAN be effective. I think that Natalie Merchant can pull it off. But here it just seemed contrived to the point where it ruins the mood.

Some of the better tracks were “New Dawn Coming,” “Blue Guitar,” “Miles From Our Home” and “Those Final Feet.” However, better is a relative term.

The album is pretty mediocre by any standards, and I couldn’t honestly recommend it to anyone except hard-core fans who would buy it anyway. The rest of us would do well not to bother. It isn’t horrible, just mostly worthless.

2 1/2 stars out of five

—Greg Jerrett

“Natural”

Eric Champion

With the release of his second album “Natural,” Eric Champion is another name that can be added to the growing list of up and coming new Christian-influenced rockers.

Champion’s music isn’t a bunch of gospel and hymns like the stereotype would suggest. Instead it is very rich with melodies and memorable hooks that reach out and grab you.

The opener “Am I Looking Good” is an aggressive song with piercing synthesizer loops set against a backdrop of guitars. The title track, “Natural,” is very similar with its waves of guitar and strange buzzes and beeps roaming about.

“God Only Knows” is a driving, solid rock song surrounding a powerhouse of a solo by lead guitarist Rob Chanter. While this song leaves behind most of the computerized noises, an array of bubbles and pops open the song “Hacker’s Prayer,” a pleasant mix of pop and rock.

The song uses metaphors of modern technology to present its message of revelation.

On “Giving Up,” Champion slows it down and darkens the music with some mysterious chords and some unfitting Mario Brothers-like blips mingling within the remorseful song that asks for God’s guidance.

Things pick up greatly on “Breakin’ The Room,” a fast-paced pop rocker that well disguises its Christian-laden messages through heavy guitars and screamy vocals. “I Am Nothing” is similar with its awesome synthesized beat set with a riveting guitar solo and all of that sandwiched between slices of distortion.

A song like “Simulated Sunlight,” with synth meteorites that pummel through nowhere, will glide you into a steady groove, while cheesy ballads like “I Wanna Come Home” will let you down.

Eric Champion’s “Natural” is a very hip-hoppy album that doesn’t forget the power of the guitar. With only 10 songs, the CD doesn’t have time to get on your nerves. Before your have time to get sick of it, it’s over.

3 stars out of five

—Kevin Hosbond

“Old Dreams”

Parlor James

Parlor James’ first full-length release is like a big old stew made out of influences from every conceivable source in modern music.

And if Martha Stewart were here and had any musical taste, she would tell you herself what a good thing it is, too.

The group proves that the value of hybridization is in the creation of new forms that take music to other planes.

The only ones who suffer are the marketing guys who have to stick a label on these things to sell them.

Here is one possible label: ethereal/alt/folk/country/rock with hints of psychedelia and jazz.

And where should it be placed on the store shelves? How about right next to the alien key chains and one-hitters?

Parlor James is mostly Ryan Hedgecock, formerly of Lone Justice, and Amy Allison, daughter of jazz-poet Mose Allison and formerly of New York’s Maudlins.

Hedgecock’s tenor provides a sturdy baseline from which Allison’s ethereal nasality commands our attention.

Songs like “Why Must It Be?” displays the group’s excellent lyric writing abilities. It’s like all the best qualities of Mazzy Star, Stevie Nicks and Tori Amos having a cat fight, and we all come out on top.

“House Of Flesh And Bone,” a song about a creepy old house, and “Everything and Nothing” are both reminiscent of The Velvet Underground when Nico was with the group.

One of the best songs on the CD is “Clementine” (yes, THAT Clementine). And you can forget about all the pleasant childhood memories attached to this one. You won’t think the same way again about the forty-niner in the canyon cavern excavating for a mine with his daughter, Clementine, the same way again, I assure you.

All of the tracks are worth listening to, however, and if you want something which represents the last few years of the millennium, “Old Dreams” will fit the bill, just you wait and see. If you don’t like ethereal, moody fusions, then you should stay away.

4 Stars out of five

—Greg Jerrett