Stifle another yawn, Iowa State

Marty Forth

This is my first summer in the United States, and more specifically, my first summer in Ames. When I decided to stay in town for the summer I was forewarned to aggressively occupy my time to scare off boredom. Ames, like many other campus communities, becomes a ghost town.

As a reporter, I have found that there is really nothing exciting in Ames to report. Granted, Ames hosts the special Olympics and other state sporting events. But when you’re a reporter, you are always waiting in anticipation that something catastrophic will happen. I am not implying that I wish for the pain, harm or even dismemberment of anyone; however, I am wishing for something that is truly newsworthy to keep you committed to picking up the Daily all summer long.

Because of the lack of news here I decided to look and see if there are any exciting things happening on college campuses across the nation. From my search I have chosen a couple stories that peaked my interest, for either their pure originality or because they can be directly related to the Daily and Iowa State, sort of.

At Stanford University in California, the campus newspaper, The Mercury, is buzzing with the news that first-daughter Chelsea Clinton was hospitalized for stomach pains. She was apparently admitted under an assumed name and spent the night in a VIP room guarded by Secret Service agents.

Maybe this is an angle that the Daily should consider — reporting on all the ISU freshmen who visit the hospital for indigestion or menstrual pains. With the popularity of the DPS report, this could most likely become a very popular section in the Daily.

More inspiring is the news from Northwestern University in Evanston, Illinois. The men on campus are all giddy about the return of one of its most famous students. Reigning Miss America, Kate Shindle, is returning to full-time studies at the university following a busy year representing this country, according to the Daily Northwestern.

Shindle, who is vocal activist for decreasing the number of people contracting HIV, will spend her summer participating in an International AIDS conference in Geneva, Switzerland before returning to her studies. Shindle’s open-mindedness has brought her much attention and scrutiny.

“Any time you have a Miss America talking about condoms, sex and disease prevention, there is going to be some degree of controversy,” Shindle said. “You just have to accept it and move on.”

Ironically, Shindle claimed that, “I will return to school as just another Northwestern student.” I find it hard to believe anyone who has worn the tiara of Miss America will never live a “regular-life,” especially with a new crop of pubescent freshman being shipped in each year.

The most humorous and nationally inspirational article that I found came from Chris Huffines, who writes for the Texas A&M Battalion.

The article centers around the recent university decision to implement various programs directed at propelling A&M from its current No.17 rating into world-class university status. Huffines believes that the program ignores one critical factor that catapults a university into a higher rating — public nudity.

“Every great institution of higher learning is steeped in a fine tradition of public student nudity,” Huffines claims, and I would have to easily agree.

He sights examples such as Rice University, considered to be the Ivy League of the South, where students run around campus covered only by semi-strategic blobs of shaving cream. Or the University of Michigan’s annual tradition, the Naked Mile, where students walk either wholly or partially undressed on a pre-determined parade route. Also, Purdue University, where students vaseline themselves up and run around in their birthday-suits during the first really cold night of winter.

Huffines also uses statistical analysis to make his point, “70 percent of those universities ranked in the lower 50 percent of colleges in the nation have no or severely-repressed traditions of student nudity. And at least 60 percent of the top-10 universities have traditions of student nudity.”

Iowa State has always placed very high in various ranking scales, and it is great to see that the Naked Sorority Circle Run can be now statistically proven to contribute to this success. Traditionally, young fraternity men sprint the circle, located south of Lincoln Way, that is home to more than nine sororities, including Delta Zeta, Kappa Delta, Alpha Delta Pi, and many others.

Hours of checking various Web pages and newspapers came up with very few exciting stories from university campuses; however, in my search I came up with other stories that defy reasoning. Reading many of these stories proved to me that living in the quiet and sleepy town of Ames is often a blessing. Also — sometimes no news is good news!

A husband and wife pulled guns on each other during a marriage counseling session after he arrived late, drinking a beer. Michael Martin shot his wife as she walked out of the St. James Episcopal Cathedral while holding his beer, unspilled, in the other hand. In defense, Bonnie Martin pulled a pistol from her purse and shot her husband in the shoulder. The two took the gun battle outside, where Bonnie Martin collapsed and was fired on again. Michael Martin allegedly hit his wife at least once more before he ran out of bullets.

“It’s a good thing that he had been drinking because he could have hit her more,” said the Rev. Bud Searcy. “He was a lousy shot.” Maybe Moses should have added a clause to the commandment that you should not only not covet thy neighbor’s wife, but refrain form shooting your own.

And finally, summer is the time that most couples decide to take the walk down the isle to tie the knot; however, it will not be such an easy task in Florida if lawmakers have their way.

A proposed bill would require couples to take a class on wedlock or wait three days to tie the knot. If the bill is signed, Florida would become the only state to mandate prenuptial tutoring.

The proposed curriculum includes communication, conflict resolution and financial and parenting responsibilities.

I can imagine that various in-class exercises include collectively deciding who holds the television remote, or class discussions concerning quality time versus a night out getting stinky drunk with the boys.

Summer in Ames is not as exciting as other cities, and I want to make it clear that I am not asking anyone to go out and say stage a shooting to make for better headlines.

Have fun, be safe and enjoy your relaxing summer off before having to start classes again in the fall.


Marty Forth is a senior in journalism and mass communication from Ottawa, Canada.