Once upon a time (in 1997) God called Bill Clinton, Fidel Castro and Bill Gates, who he thought were the three most important people on earth.

He told them, “I have a message for you.” When they asked him what the message was, He answered, “The world is coming to an end tomorrow.”

All three men went back to their respective people to convey God’s message to them.

Bill Clinton told America, “I have some good news and some bad news for you. The good news is God exists. The bad news is the world is coming to an end tomorrow.”

Fidel Castro had this to tell Cuba : “I have some bad news and some worse news. The bad news is God exists. The worse news is the world is coming to an end tomorrow.”

Bill Gates went back to Microsoft and told his people, “I have some good news and some better news. The good news is God thinks I’m one of the most important people on earth. The better news is we don’t have to update Windows’95.”

Somewhere along the way, God’s message got diluted, and Bill Gates decided that even if the world was coming to an end, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to make Windows’98 (“It crashes a little less!”) to make a little more money.

“What’s wrong with making a little money?” you might ask. Nothing. Especially not if you’re already the richest man in the world. And you are creating ideas in the heads of people all over the world that you’re going to rule the world.

Let me tell you here that I don’t think there is anything wrong with that either. I mean, compared to the current brouhaha over the potential nuke arms race that seems to be ready to make a hole in the earth, an operating system that only sends your hard work into a black hole at the touch of a button is no big deal.

But still, I would be happier if Bill Gates had something more snappy than Windows to help him rule the world. And the responsibility for this lies with… Steve Jobs and other people at Apple Computer.

Look at the facts: Microsoft has grown to be the behemoth it is today because it has understood that creativity also means adapting (read “copying”) an existing idea so that you can kill the competition, never mind if what you develop isn’t fit for normal use.

So now it is up to Apple and other hardworking people at various tech-worlds to come up with something that’ll make life easier….for Bill Gates, that is.

Notice that all the while, so far, I have been talking as if Bill Gates is Microsoft and Microsoft is … you guessed it … Bill Gates. What about the other people, the underlings, the slaves in Seattle and other places in the world?

Well, they’re doing their bit to help the world move toward the goal of zero population growth. By which, of course, you know I’m referring to the high suicide rates reported in Seattle (where Microsoft is headquartered) and other places where Microsoft has gone where no man has gone before.

So then, are we doomed — I mean destined — to be ruled by a single man? (No… no… I don’t mean single in that sense!) Or is that a destiny to die for (literally), the way it is for so many people at Microsoft? I mean, I can think of other people who can wield a very powerful influence over the world’s people.

Seriously now, Rupert Murdoch, the media baron, could control the world’s news, and thus its events, too.

But then, picture this: One day, Rupert Murdoch is ready to go on air throughout the world to announce that he is the leader of the world.

He signals the technician at the studio to click the button on the computer that will commence the broadcast.

And what happens?

You got it, his dreams, along with his computer, will have crashed. And where would his image be then? I mean, if the screen goes blank as you make your debut as world leader, you make a poor first impression.

Whereas Bill Gates with his unmatched charisma and foresight would have handled it in a much more professional way. In fact, he already did.

At the unveiling of Windows’98, when the system crashed in front of the world’s media, Gates had already publicized the fact that Windows’98 “crashes a little less.”

By cleverly omitting from mentioning when exactly it was prone to crash, he made sure that this was among those “lesser occasions” that it had crashed.

At this stage, I would like to quote a few words of wisdom that I found in the auto signature file of a recent acquaintance of mine: “Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. No is the answer.”

And if you’re still worrying about what would happen to the world if Bill Gates took over the world, stop. Because you’ll anyway have to — restart/cancel/shut down — your life.

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Narayan Devanathan is a graduate student in journalism and mass communication from Hyderbad, India