One-dimensional ‘Newton Boys’ disappoints

Mike Milik

When I was younger, I thought it would be cool to be a bank robber. The moral ramifications didn’t even cross my six-year-old mind.

I just knew I wanted to be a bank robber. Either that or a fire man. Or a marine biologist. But robbing banks looked like it would be fun and exciting.

Boy, was I wrong — if the new movie “The Newton Boys” is any indication.

It is the true story of America’s most successful bank robbers. From 1919 to 1924, the Newton brothers robbed over 80 banks across the Midwest and Canada.

You would think a movie chronicling the exploits of four outlaw brothers would be fun and exciting. You would be wrong. “The Newton Boys” had potential, but ultimately, you’ll end up bored.

First of all, the four Newton brothers are fairly bland, even though the actors playing them are a veritable who’s who of hot young talent. Each one is basically boiled down to one basic characteristic.

Matthew McConaughey is Willis Newton, the oldest. He’s the brains of the unit, the smart guy. Just out of jail for something never explained, it’s Willis’ idea to get into the bank robbery business.

The youngest of the clan, Joe (Skeet Ulrich), is naive and innocent. He’s leery of the whole thieving idea, always voicing his “should we really be doing this” thoughts. It got old after a while.

The least developed of the four brothers is Dock Newton (Vincent D’Onofrio), who might as well have been called big dumb guy. That’s his entire role in the film, being dumb and being big. Nothing else.

The most interesting and best-developed character in the movie, is Ethan Hawk as Jess Newton. Granted, Jess is as cardboard as the rest of the players in this film, but at least he’s funny.

He’s a hard drinking, horny, looking-for-a-good-time cowboy who provides some much needed levity and laughs to “The Newton Boys.”

Other than Jess’ jokes, which are too few and far between, the movie is rather dry and dull.

The Newton brothers are very professional about what they do. Too professional, which is the reason none of you have heard of them before.

The Newtons aren’t famous like Bonnie and Clyde or Dilinger because they were smart, quiet and efficient. They struck at night, avoided big gunfights and never killed anybody.

The Newtons rationalize things by only robbing from insured banks. Since they consider the insurance companies to be thieves, taking money from them can’t be considered wrong. (I can see that logic, I guess.)

Then there is some big problem with round safe doors versus square safe doors. For some reason never really explained, the boys can’t blow open round-doored safes. When round safes become the norm, the boys pull off the biggest train heist in history.

Which leads to their arrest and trial. By this point in “The Newton Boys” I felt like screaming “For God’s sake, wrap it up!”

The best part of the movie takes place over the closing credits. We see parts of a Johnny Carson interview with the real Joe Newton and documentary footage of Willis. They at least end things on an up note.

In fact, I’d be interested in seeing the actual documentary about the Newtons. It would have to be better than “The Newton Boys.” A documentary can get away with being slow-paced and boring. A movie following the lives of outlaw brothers can’t.

2 1/2 stars out of five


Mike Milik is a senior in advertising from West Des Moines.