I’ve never been what many would call a sports fan. I enjoy watching basketball and hockey without getting fanatical about it.

One sport I can’t stand, though, is baseball. I’ve just never liked it and always found it boring.

So naturally, I usually don’t enjoy movies about baseball. One exception to that rule, however, has always been “Major League.” I loved that movie. I thought it was absolutely hysterical.

You probably didn’t even know there’s another sequel out, “Major League: Back to the Minors.” The movie hasn’t gotten much marketing attention, and for good reason.

There’s a lot lacking in “Back to the Minors.” I guarantee no movie reviewer in history has ever said this, but what this movie really needed was Charlie Sheen.

Things start out with your typical sports movie cliches (see “Bad News Bears,” “Mighty Ducks,” etc.). Take a ragtag bunch of losers and try to make them come together as a cohesive, winning unit.

Scott Bakula stars as Gus Cantrell, who is brought on as the new manager for the Buzz, a ragtag bunch of losers in minor league baseball. Watching Bakula in this thankless role made me miss “Quantum Leap.” He’s better than the material he’s given here.

One thing that worked in the original was the balance between the baseball and the players’ personal lives. In “Back to the Minors,” it’s all baseball.

We get no glimpse into the lives of these ball players, which keeps them from becoming characters. They are merely characterizations.

And what a “wacky” bunch they are. There’s the doofus catcher who can’t throw, the surfer dude pitcher, a set of twin brothers both named Juan Lopez in the infield.

One guy is an ex-ballet dancer who uses some of his moves on the field, and there’s a prissy guy named Doc whose fastball tops out at less than 50 mph. (Is it just me or is there always some guy nicknamed Doc in these kind of movies?)

There didn’t seem to be much of a plot to “Back to the Minors.” A rivalry exists between Gus and the manager of the Minnesota Twins, played absolutely terribly by Ted McGinley.

You may remember him as Marcy’s husband during the last 30 or 40 seasons of “Married … With Children.” He was bad on TV, and he’s worse in the movies.

That is the major problem with this movie. Along with McGinley, a lot of the other stars are television washouts, not movie stars. The entire production quality looks cheap, more like a made-for-TV movie than a theatrical release.

I shouldn’t say the cheap look of “Back to the Minors” is the major problem with this movie, I guess. The biggest problem is it isn’t very funny. Most of the jokes fall flat, and some are downright offensive.

Even the return of Bob Uecker as the smart-ass sportscaster can’t help much. He isn’t nearly as amusing here as he was in the original.

The best thing I can say about “Major League: Back to the Minors” is it wasn’t awful. It just wasn’t any good either. Oh, and it was brought to you by the good people at Blimpie Subs, judging by the number of their drinks I saw sprinkled strategically throughout the film.

2 stars out of five

---

Mike Milik is a senior in advertising from West Des Moines.