I have to admit something right up front: I just don’t get the sex appeal of Leonardo DiCaprio.

I suppose that’s OK. After all, I’m a man, so I’m not supposed to get it, right? He’s a scrawny little guy with the body of a 14-year-old boy. Granted, he does show acting potential, but a sex symbol?

To help me out in my quest to understand this Leo-mania, I asked fellow student Amy Hefti to accompany me to see his latest film, “The Man In the Iron Mask.”

So I’m going to divide this review into two parts. I’ll be reviewing it for the guys, and Amy will be giving you the female perspective.

For the guys, Mike says:

First of all, guys, don’t let your girlfriends con you into seeing this movie. Sure, the commercials show some sword fighting scenes, and you may be thinking to yourself, “Cool, sword fights!”

Don’t be fooled. This is basically a costume drama. Everyone is dressed in frills and ruffles and lace and looks really fruity. It’s like the puffy shirt episode of “Seinfeld” taken to the extreme. (I will say that Leo sports some really sassy pumps with big bows, though.)

All the guys in this movie look like a bunch of rejects from a Pantene shampoo commercial with their long, wavy hair.

Leo plays dual roles, as King Louis of France and Philippe, the masked man of the title. Louis is a horrible and evil king, and the Three Musketeers come out of retirement to replace him with his twin brother Philippe.

The Musketeers are the only good thing about “The Man in the Iron Mask.”

Played by Jeremy Irons, John Malkovich and Gerard Depardieu, they add life and levity to this boring and too-long film.

I would like to know who wrote the dialogue for “The Man In the Iron Mask.” It was cringe-inducing and awful.

Here’s a little snippet uttered by Gabriel Byrne when he faces a forbidden love with Queen Anne: “To love you is a treason against France, but not to love you is a treason against my heart.”

It was all I could do not to start retching.

For the gals, Amy says:

The best part of this movie is Leo in two roles. Those piercing pale blue eyes, those lips. What else do I need to say? He’s beautiful, even with long hair.

I thought the elaborate costumes were fantastic, especially during the ball near the end of the movie. All the extravagant detail gave the movie a real timely feel.

And Versailles is so pretty in the spring. At least I think it was Versailles. Wherever it was, the setting looked great.

What was really lacking in “The Man In the Iron Mask” was a romantic story line. There are a couple of promising romances, but they don’t work for two reasons. First, they both end tragically and unfulfilled, and second, neither one involves Leo.

Also, some of the lines were pretty cheesy. At one point, Leo says, “I wear the mask, it does not wear me.” I mean, honestly, who talks like that?

I especially liked the Musketeers. They really kept the story moving, and Gerard Depardieu was absolutely hysterical. Still, I may be slightly scarred after having to see his bare ass. Not a pretty sight.

All the movie really needs is Leo, though. Here you get two for the price of one. That was certainly enough for me.

There you have it. Two views, one movie. Mike says one star, Amy says three, which means “The Man In the Iron Mask” averages out to:

2 stars out of five

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Mike Milik is a senior in advertising from West Des Moines. Amy Hefti is a senior in advertising from Marshall, Minn.