Movies are up to $5.50, rentals are over $3, concerts aren’t getting any cheaper — even a quick lap dance at Blondies goes up a quarter every month.

So what is the poor college student left to do?

Pick up the phone. (No, this is not an ad for a phone escort service.)

You would be amazed by how much entertainment something as common as a telephone can provide on a Saturday night.

And the beauty of teletainment (I like to make up words) is that — most of the time — it’s free.

Here are some of my favorite teletainment games:

Call famous people (sort of)

I stumbled upon this game by accident, but it is definitely one of my favorites.

I was looking up a number in the Des Moines phone book a few years ago when I ran past the name Larry Bird. I couldn’t resist.

“Larry?” I asked the man who picked up the phone. “It’s Magic … Magic Johnson. What have you been up to?”

He laughed and decided to play along. A few minutes later we were discussing which one of us deserved more NBA MVPs.

I had so much fun talking to Larry that by the end of the night I had called Michael Jordan, Michael Jackson, Bill Cosby and Paula Jones. (I already looked and there is no Monica Lewinsky in Des Moines or Ames.)

Make a classic phone prank

You have probably heard others talk about them, but until you have actually made a classic phone prank, you have not lived.

I suggest starting out small — maybe calling a nearby bar and paging Ben Dover. As your confidence grows, so should your disgust level.

I once called a Kentucky Fried Chicken and asked the lady on the phone how big her breasts were. And we all know what to ask the guy at the bowling alley.

Play matchmaker

With all of the phone technology available, matchmaker games are as easy as 9-7-6.

Once again, I suggest starting out small. Pick any two numbers out of the book. Call one and as soon as it starts ringing, conference call the other.

Be completely silent and listen to hear if the people on the line can figure out what happened. Usually they will argue for a few minutes about who called who and then hang up in frustration, but occasionally you’ll find a couple who hit it off.

Once you have mastered the technique, start calling people you know and connecting them to strange places like the library or pet store.

If you are willing to spend a little money, connect someone you know to a good phone sex number, or better yet, connect someone you don’t know (such as a university official).

Drunk dial

If your plan is to call a crush or an ex-girlfriend/boyfriend after a late night of Captain and Cokes, I highly suggest giving your phone to a neighbor before you start drinking.

If your plan is to call a number from a late night infomercial, I highly suggest drinking more.

A co-worker of mine told me he actually ordered the Get Rich Quick by Placing Classified Ads kit late one night. (Surprisingly, he said, it never worked.)

My personal favorite drunk dial is Dionne Warwick and her Psychic Friends. Although I can never talk them into coming over, they always make me feel desired.

Teletainment may not be the most ethical form of entertainment, but it sure beats spending $5.50 to see the Spice Girls on the big screen (which should be illegal) or going to Blondies for a lap dance (which could be illegal).

Corey Moss is a junior in journalism and mass communication from Urbandale.