A year ago the editor in chief at the Daily asked me to write an informative column on “how to woo a woman” for our Valentine’s Day tab.

Less than a week after the column ran, the girl I was dating at the time dumped me.

Whether it had anything to do with my wooing advice — I’ll never know. But I do know I put countless hours of research into my three-step plan to wooing, and that over the past year it has done nothing but fail me.

Here is a brief synopsis:

Step one was to always be a jerk (which all men probably knew anyway). I explained the unwritten law that the meaner men are, the more women like them.

“Women want what they can’t have,” I proclaimed.

So I took my own advice and made myself nearly unavailable. But the harder to get I played, the less I got.

And when I did finally get, I pulled every jerk stunt in the book, and none of them seemed to make them like me more. We’re talking dissing women for football, renting “Rocky” instead of “The English Patient” and even the ultimate — ripping on Oprah. And all were failures.

Step two to wooing was to avoid the impossible — being original. “Find the biggest stud you can and copy their every move,” I advised.

Over the year, I tried copying several studs, primarily rock stars and movie stars.

Although I suggested Damone, by far my favorite “Fast Times at Ridgemont High” character, he was not a good idea. Ordering his date’s meal and playing side B of Led Zepplin’s “Four” may have worked for him, but neither seemed to do the trick for me.

So I moved on to a stud more up-to-date with current times — Jonathan Taylor Thomas. While I had read the “Home Improvement” actor was voted top stud of 1997, I didn’t put into consideration where I had read it (Teen Magazine).

I was able to get a few dates with my J.T.T. copying; unfortunately, none of them could get into an R-rated movie.

After my J.T.T. experiences, I decided to go back to my roots — the Iceman. Copying Vanilla was tricky, primarily perfecting his clever lingo, but I pulled it off.

I even used the classic “Cool as Ice” line “Drop with the zero and get with the hero” a few times, but to my surprise, it did not work.

The way I look at it, almost anyone is copyable, but not even a megafan can pull off the Iceman.

As a last resort, I spent the last month of the year copying the every move of the talk of the county — Leonardo DiCaprio.

I hacked loogeys all over campus, offered to paint women nude and even perfected that dance he does with Kate Winslet, and once again, women were not impressed.

Thankfully, step three was fool-proof, or so I thought.

“When trying to woo a potential score, always make sure the tunes are flowin’ in the right direction,” I wrote. “Music is the key to happiness.”

Chris Isaak, Van Morrison, Dave Matthews, Blackstreet; I stocked up on all of the Mac Music, as I like to call it. And while I enjoyed most of the discs, I was never able to recreate Isaak’s “Wicked Game” video.

I even attempted to woo women with live music, but backstage passes to The Deftones was not the wooing tool I thought it would be.

My point in sharing all of this is not to prove my guide to wooing was a failure, but to share with all men the fact that wooing women is impossible.

Our minds do not work the same and never will. So when V-Day roles around next weekend, buy a new Sega game.

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Corey Moss is a junior in journalism and mass communication from Urbandale.