I, like most people, often shake my head at the fools in the news. They do some really unbelievable things.

Our president risks it all for a fleshy fling, and an Olympic athlete nearly loses his gold medal for a puff of pot. Ridiculous, is it not? Not really when you observe how stubbornly we humans insist on learning by experience.

Fortunately, there is a simple solution to this seemingly fundamental flaw in human nature. All that needs to be done is to make sure that everyone pays attention to those overused adages and quotations that are usually ignored.

At first, I thought the reason for ignoring this wisdom was that it is often contradictory. I then realized a lot of the stuff we believe is contradictory, and that the real reason these adages go ignored is because of stupidity.

I went to Parks Library to hopefully find a compilation of wise truisms and quotes. There were a couple of helpful books, but what I found in the process was a bit disturbing. There were actually books that explained adages — not just the origin of the saying, but the meaning of it as well. A book explaining conventional wisdom seems to be a contradiction in terms. Oh, well.

A quick glance through a newspaper reveals a host of people who have disregarded wise old sayings they have probably heard a hundred times. Within these sayings lie thousands of years of human experience recorded so that we do not have to “learn the hard way.”

The death penalty is back in the spotlight. Heated debate and scientific studies are all made obsolete by two proverbs, the first well-known and the other a lesser-known English proverb: “Two wrongs don’t make a right” and “The thief is sorry he is to be hanged, not sorry he is a thief.” See what I mean? Problem solved.

Recent research has shown that men’s brains shrink faster than women’s with old age, perhaps indicating that indeed “Behind every great man there is a great woman.”

“Just say no.” Canadian snowboarder Ross Rebagliata would not have a tarnished gold medal if only he had listened to good ol’ Nancy Reagan. I do not want to risk making an unfair judgment against this fellow, but c’mon, he is a snowboarder.

Which reminds me: “Assume makes an ‘ass’ out of ‘u’ and ‘me.'” Whew, had I not thought of that I might have meant what I said about Rebagliata.

Death and taxes are weekly news. No, I do not have an adage to eliminate either one. However, it is easier to cope with both when Benjamin Franklin’s wisdom is understood: “In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.” In other words, nothing can be done about it, so “When given lemons, make lemonade.”

President Clinton could have avoided the hot seat if only he could “Keep it in his pants.” Now I am not saying these people hurling accusations at the president are lying, but someone is. This is painfully obvious in light of what Sir Walter Scott said about the subject of lies: “O, what a tangled web we weave / When first we practice to deceive!” This Lewinsky thing is a “tangled web” if ever there was one.

If you now share my disbelief of how this easy solution has escaped humanity for thousands of years, just remember that “It takes all kinds to make a world.” That little bit of wisdom can get one through many a frustrating situation.

For those recovering from a rough Valentine’s weekend, I offer a line from William Shakespeare, whom you can blame for a great many overused quotes:

“The course of true love never did run smooth.”

Aaron Klemm is an undeclared sophomore from Woden.