The Daily (for me, anyway) used to be a morning distraction. I would grab my Dr. Pepper and a cigarette, and sit in my room reading the opinion section for a good morning laugh.

These days, however, I have noticed a saddening trend: well-written jibes, sarcastic (cynical?) humor and all-around veiled insults are more difficult to find. The plague that has grown in their place is known to most as bitterness. There are occasional bright spots (Dave Barry articles, for instance) hidden within all the flying mud-clods. Too bad for the rest of us, eh?

OK, children, today we are going to learn how to avoid being bitter. Look at the person nearest you and punch them directly in the forehead. Then, grin happily and wander off. If you are not immediately beaten senseless, repeat until the desired effect is achieved.While you are laying there barely conscious, resist the urge to complain about what happened. After all, you were the jerk that started it. If you happen to be the one that got punched in the first place, remember that this is for posterity and act naturally.

My personal feeling is that people don’t realize that life does not turn out as planned. Ask anyone: life has a nasty habit of changing your plans for you. Sometimes you just get screwed. I’m not saying that you should bend over, grab your ankles, and be happy that someone in a high place is noticing you. I am not saying that you should argue everything to the death, either. I am saying that you should take the hit and fight back WITHOUT sinking to the level of your offender.

You are no doubt wondering where this hypocritical essay is going. I will tell you, and if you truly have an open mind, you will understand.

Look around at the people today. There are very few smiles, and even less laughter. Accusing fingers are being thrust about with little or no research, and usually less warning. This whole shoot-first-and-ask-questions-later attitude is everywhere, and there is no sign of a break in the storm. I’m glad I have an umbrella.

If I were asked to define society these days in three words, they would be (1) ignorance, (2) intolerance and (3) apathy. Learn all sides, accept all sides, and be sure to do your part to make this world a better place.

This has been a public service announcement from the Society for Cynical Students. Have a nice day, and keep those cigarettes lit. Later.

Dave Andrews

Freshman

Undeclared