Sometimes I think back to my high school athletic career, and I get really emotional. It seems like forever ago that I was going to practice everyday and competing in actual sporting events.

It seems silly to get misty-eyed about things like running hills, but the more I think about it, the worse I feel. It seems that my glory days are behind me.

I don’t think I am alone. I think many students (especially freshman) who had active and successful athletic careers in high school really get bummed when they get to college. They feel like a big chunk of them has been taken and is floating somewhere in a mason jar full of formaldehyde.

They do some pretty strange things to cope with their loss. Even simple video games are used to replace the lack of competition. (Anyone who has cried after a loss at GoldenEye understands that sentiment— not that I have.)

But besides turning to video games, the reactions to the loss vary greatly. I think these reactions can pretty much be grouped into four separate categories.

The first category is the “fat guy.”

I say fat guy because I am talking about mainly males. For some reason, most of the females I know don’t seem to suffer any withdrawal symptoms from high school athletics. This probably stems from the fact that typical females don’t let their self-esteem get raveled around their athletic prowess. Or, maybe they’re just smarter.

Anyway, the fat guy was a pretty decent athlete with a relatively low body fat percentage before coming to college. However, after arriving at college, the fat guy throws all caution to the wind. Not only does he never make it to the Rec, he doesn’t even know where the Rec is located.

He becomes world’s largest slob, waking up at the crack of dawn to make sure he doesn’t miss the Jerry Springer show. The fat guy attempts to completely forget about his high school sports career because after looking in the mirror, even he doesn’t even believe his old jock stories. He also can be seen wearing his “jelly jacket” all hours of the day.

The second product of competitive withdrawal is the “worrying guy.” The worrying guy really tries his hardest. He goes over to the Rec a lot in the first few weeks of the semester, but as time passes, the gap between his trips to the Rec grows larger and larger.

Unlike fat guy, worrying guy doesn’t forget about his previous athletic successes. In fact, every time he passes a mirror he flexes, just to make sure everything is doing what it’s supposed to.

But one day, worrying guy wakes up, looks down at his belly and discovers that he is no longer the athlete he once was. Realizing this, worrying guy decides to get really drunk, order a pizza and try to forget how fat he is. This, of course, is extremely counter-productive.

The third reaction is a more positive one, this is the “Rec guy.”

Rec guy, as the name might imply, lives and sleeps at the Rec. He is so afraid of turning into a soft, flabby mound of flesh that he is now in the best shape of his life. Rec guys think about exercising more than President Clinton thinks about White House interns. Unfortunately, I really can’t relate to the Rec guy.

The fourth and final fellow is “pathetic guy.”

Pathetic guy is one sad puppy. He barely can comprehend that he no longer is in high school. Pathetic guys are easily recognized on campus by the high school letter jackets they are still wearing. During the warmer months, though, the distinguishing characteristic sign of the pathetic guy is his old football jersey.

Pathetic guy also likes to tell people he “could have played college ball if it weren’t for his knees.” He can be found on Saturday nights sitting directly in front of his television, watching his old game tapes. Pathetic guy typically is the type of student whom everyone picked on in third grade, and is still trying to recuperate.

So what category do you fall into?

Hopefully none of them. But most people are probably a little fat, worried, Rec-obsessed and pathetic. Now that you have recognized you have a problem and what it is, why don’t you try to do something about it?

Get involved in some intramurals and have some fun. Go for a run while the weather is great. Head over to Beyer and go for a swim. Just do something before you look in the mirror one day and say to yourself, “Who the hell is that?!”

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David Roepke is a freshman in journalism and mass communication from Aurora.